The Many Uses and Abuses of Coca-Cola

Up until the fine folks at Coca-Cola brought back the original formula of Coke, albeit improved with high fructose corn syrup, my one true soda love was Coke. Sure, I got the occasional Sprite at the K-Mart cafeteria, but I was a Coca-Cola kid. That's not to say that I drank the stuff by the gallon as a tot. Soda wasn't as ubiquitous a drink back when I was a kid as it is today, plus we were too poor to buy it by the gallon.

Anywho, as times have changed and the unchecked distribution of the family of Coke beverages along with Coke nostalgia and Coke culture have become a relatively huge force in the world, I've noticed how the beverage has...um, transcended drink-of-choice with fast-food burgers and fries for many folks to become a more...um, commonplace household item. I mean, we've all heard about using Coke to clean corrosion off batteries, right? While poking around the Internet, I found Rob's Coke Room has dedicated a page to various household uses of the stuff, including as a meat tenderizer.

Additionally, Coke seems to be somewhat popular as an ingredient, particularly in recipes birthed in kitchens in its Southern home. The elder sister sent along this one, published recently in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

Coca-Cola Sloppy Joes1.5 pounds lean ground beef or turkey
1 large onion, chopped
1 C Coca-Cola
1 C thick, tomato-based barbecue sauce
6 hamburger buns

1. In a nonstick skillet over medium-high heat, brown the beef or turkey with the onion until the onion is soft and the meat is no longer pink, about 5-10 minutes.
   
2. Reduce heat to medium, stir in cola and barbecue sauce and continue to cook, stirring occasionally, until sauce is thickened to desired consistency, another 10-15 minutes.
   
3. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
   
4. Toast cut side of buns, if desired, under broiler or in a skillet.
   
5. Heap mixture onto buns and serve.

I'm fighting the urge to vomit as I type this up. I'm not even going to post the nutritional info out of sheer disgust, but if you want to see it, check AJC.com.

If you haven't lost your gorge, Gentle Reader, check out this Coke-fueled delight from the yellowed pages of my Culinary Arts Institute Encyclopedic Cookbook of the early 1970s:

Cola Marsh Sherbet24 marshmallows
2 C cola beverage
2 T lemon juice
1/8 t salt

1. Place the marshmallows and 2 tablespoons of cola beverage in a saucepan.
   
2. Head slowly, folding over and over until marshmallows are about half melted.
   
3. Remove from heat and continue folding until mixture is smooth and fluffy.
   
4. Cool slightly, then add remaining cola beverage, salt and lemon juice.
   
5. Blend thoroughly.
   
6. Pour into freezing tray of refigerator and freeze until firm, stirring 2 or 3 times while freezing.

Yield: 4 or 5

Mercifully, editor Ruth Berolzheimer chose not to include an amber- and orange-saturated photo of this concoction, so use your imagination, Gentle Reader. Unfortunately, the husband has used his imagination quite a bit on this one and seems to think it's one I ought to make.

"Not in this lifetime" is a phrase he should know well by now.

Of course, if you really want to go Southern-disgusting on a Coke-based dessert, there's always deep-fried Coke:
And that's why state fairs have earned the reputations they have. ::shudder::