Lipstick on a Pig

No, Gentle Reader, this isn't a rant about a certain imbecilic former governor of Alaska. It's about leftovers. Lots of leftovers. No matter how you dress 'em up, they're still leftovers--just like putting lipstick on a pig doesn't disguise the fact that it's a pig.

When the husband brought home his poultry prize, I warned that he and the boy would be eating lots of turkey sandwiches after December 25. Lots of turkey sandwiches. Not surprisingly, that seemed to suit him and the boy just fine at the time.

To help the eating 'o the leftover turkey sandwiches, I even bought (for the first time in many, many months) two loaves of bread and some Lawry's season salt. I'm not sure, Gentle Reader, if you have the tradition of leftover turkey on sandwich bread slathered with Miracle Whip and sprinkled with Lawry's, but that's the tradition in my family, and it's one the husband was introduced to years ago and latched on to quite fervently. The turkey drought at Chez Boeckman-Walker had him quite anxious for some Lawry's-sprinkled turkey sandwiches.

Naturally, after the first one, the lipstick was off the pig. The boy barely made it through his first sandwich and refused to eat more.

Which left me still with some 16 pounds of leftover turkey meat. Joy.

Of the two big tubs of meat, one was filled with the two large breast portions, which I figured I could make up nicely with turkey highlighted. The other tub was filled with dark meat and other white meat morsels, and that stuff I knew I'd have to disguise in some manner. So to the Internet I went! But after finding only a few appealing possibilities on MyRecipes.com and AllRecipes.com (turkey and pasta seems to be a popular combination, but the thought of which causes my stomach to churn). I turned then to my shelf of cookbooks in the kitchen, pulling first, surprise surprise, The New Best Recipe from good 'ol Christopher Kimball.

I Heart Christopher Kimball

This giant tome has not been as useful as I thought it would be when I got it for a song nearly two years ago, and in the turkey department, it was a letdown. Want several variations on a turkey brine? The New Best Recipe can provide! Want an interesting use for leftover turkey? Eh, look elsewhere.

"Elsewhere" happened to be the chicken section of the book. Since the recipe I'd followed for the bird the first time was a modified chicken recipe, why not see what Kimball & Co. could offer for chicken?

Sure enough, I found a poorly formatted India-inspired variation on the main recipe for one-dish chicken and rice that I thought would suit the palates of us human residents of Chez Boeckman-Walker. In fact, I figured those breast portions would be highlighted nicely by this dish.

Chicken and Rice, Indian Style1 whole chicken (3-4 lb.)
Salt
Ground black pepper
2 T olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped fine
3 medium garlic cloves, minced or pressed through a garlic press
2 medium green bell peppers, cored, seeded and cut into medium dice
3" cinnamon stick
1 t ground turmeric
1 t ground coriander
1 t ground cumin
1 1/2 C long-grain white rice
14.5 oz. diced tomatoes
1/2 C tomato juice drained from diced tomatoes
1/2 C dry white wine
2 C water

1. Rinse and pat dry the chicken, then remove the giblets and wings and cut the chicken into 8 pieces.
   
2. Sprinkle the chicken pieces liberally on both sides with salt and pepper.
   
3. Heat the oil until it shimmers in a large, nonreactive Dutch oven over high heat.
   
4. Add the chicken to the pot, skin-side down, and cook without moving the pieces until well browned (about 6 min.), then turn over and let the other side cook without moving until it too is well browned (about 6 more min.).
   
5. Remove the browned chicken to a plate and keep warm.
   
6. Pour all but 2 tablespoons of the fat from the pan, then return it to the burner and reduce the heat to medium.
   
7. Add the cinnamon stick and saute, stirring with a wooden spoon, until it unfurls (about 15 sec.).
   
8. Add the onion and bell peppers and saute, stirring frequently, until softened (5-6 min.).
   
9. Add the garlic and then the turmeric, coriander and cumin and saute until fragrant (about 1 min.).
   
10. Stir in the rice and cook, stirring frequently, until the grains are coated and glistening (about 1 min.).
    
11. Stir in the tomatoes, reserved tomato juice, water and one teaspoon of salt, then scrape the frond off the bottom of the pot with the wooden spoon.
    
12. Return the chicken thighs and legs to the pot, bring it to a boil reduce the heat to low, cover and let simmer gently for 15 min.
    
13. Add the chicken breast pieces to the pot, then gently stir the ingredients until the rice is thoroughly mixed.
    
14. Return the lid to the pot and allow the contents to simmer until the rice and chicke are tender (10-15 min.).

Yield: 4 servings of unknown size

Nutritional Info
Here's one of my bigger disappointments about The New Best Recipe, other than the dearth of recipes I really want to make: It contains no nutritional information. If we want to get people back into their kitchens and cooking for themselves as a means of helping them eat better, then this information is really important. Oh well.

The Faudie's Futzings
Right off the bat, Gentle Reader, the big 'ol futzing that's most obvious is that I used roasted turkey breast in lieu of raw chicken meat. Did that majorly change up the recipe?

If you were expecting a "You betcha!" here, Gentle Reader, go hurt yourself. Painfully.

Actually, the use of the cooked meat didn't really change how I prepared the recipe. I did dramatically reduce the amount of olive oil: Maybe a teaspoon I used, I think. The first time I made this recipe (I had enough breast meat to make it twice), I used a nonstick Dutchie, so there was no frond to scrape. The second time, though, I got out Chive, and a bit of a frond formed.

I do believe the estimated times for some cooking milestones in this recipe are off. For example, I needed a few minutes for my cinnamon stick to unfurl both times, not a mere 15 seconds. Perhaps I didn't have my pot hot enough. Instead of a minute for the spices to become fragrant, I only needed about 15 seconds. Perhaps Christopher uses cheap spices.

One word of warning if you choose to make this recipe: Don't strictly follow the recipe for adding liquid to cook the rice in. The first time around, I didn't use the full two cups of water because my can of diced tomatoes was juicier than anticipated, even after I'd drained it and had the half-cup reserve liquid. That additional "hidden" liquid combined with the half-cup of wine and maybe a cup of water was enough to relatively cover the rice and cooked turkey hunks I threw in. The second time, though, my tomatoes weren't as juicy, and I needed probably a smidge more than two cups of water. Of course, the second time I think I added a whole lot more turkey meat, so if you use cooked meat that might be a little dry and might not release much moisture as it cooks, consider adding a smidge more water. In other words, Gentle Reader, eyeball it!

The result is a very hearty, mildly sweet and spicy dish that seems more like a distant American cousin of a traditional Mogul pulao or biryani than an Indian-inspired take on that mushy abomination formed when cream of mushroom soup meets 3-minute rice and chunk chicken. You could probably kick up the heat of the dish by swapping out one of the bells for a spicier pepper, or maybe you could throw in a bit of cayenne or hot paprika. I think this dish definitely has lots of futzing potential.

Turkey in the Straw! Ha ha ha! Turkey in Disguise! Hi hi hi!
The pulao-esque turkey and rice dish, twice made, by and large took care of one big tub of leftover turkey. What's a faudie to do with a second big tub of dark meat and assorted bits of white meat that will not be going towards sandwiches, even under threat of death?

Drown it in liquid, throw in a good amount of tomato goo and pray, Gentle Reader.

Southwestern Turkey Soup1 1/2 C shredded cooked turkey
4 C vegetable broth
28 oz. whole peeled tomatoes
4 oz. chopped green chiles
2 roma tomatoes, chopped
1 onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 T lime juice
1/2 t cayenne pepper
1/2 t ground cumin
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
1 avocado, peeled, pitted and diced
1/2 t dried cilantro
1 C shredded Monterey Jack cheese

1. In a large pot over medium heat, combine the turkey, broth, canned tomatoes, green chiles, fresh tomatoes, onion, garlic and lime juice.
   
2. Add the cayenne, cumin, salt and pepper.
   
3. Bring the mixture to a boil, then reduce the heat and let simmer 15 to 20 min.
   
4. Stir in the avocado and cilantro, then let simmer until slightly thickened (15 to 20 more min.).
   
5. Spoon the soup into serving bowls, and top with shredded cheese.

Yield: 8 servings of an unknown size

Nutritional Info
As this recipe comes from a user of AllRecipes.com, I'm not terribly confident in this information. Plus it reflects the use of full-fat, full-sodium and other less health-conscious products, so it's not terribly accurate for how I prepared it.

Calories: 184
Fat: 9.8 g
Protein: 13.5 g
Carbs: 11.9 g
Fiber: 3.8 g
Na: 632 mg

The Faudie's Futzings
The directions for preparing the soup are, in a word, simplistic. Granted, there's nothing necessarily wrong with them, as I've learned from listening to The Splendid Table (the episode from November 7, to be precise). The recipe follows one of three basic foundations for creating a soup: Simmer everything in liquid without sautéing to yield clear, true flavors. The other two methods are (a) slowly stewing onions and key ingredients, such as herbs, in a little fat in a covered pot over low heat to yield mellow flavors and (b) quickly browning onions and some of the vegetables in good-tasting oil or butter over medium-high heat to yield bold and sturdy flavors.

Since I'm creating a spicy soup, I want flavors bold and brassy so they can disguise the less desirable turkey meat bits floating in the juice. If you want the same, Gentle Reader, here's what to do:

1. Heat a wee bit of olive oil in a large pot over medium-high heat.
   
2. Toss in the onions, sprinkle with half a teaspoon or so of cumin (the amount will depend on how much diced onion you have to brown and how much you like the flavor of cumin) and then sauté.
   
3. As the onions begin to soften, toss in the garlic and sauté until lightly fragrant (probably no more than 30 sec., but the quality of your garlic could impact this time).
   
4. Add the broth, tomatoes, turkey, chiles and spices, stirring well to blend, and then bring the ingredients to a gentle simmer.
   
5. Once the ingredients are heated through, add the lime juice and stir.

As you may have noticed, I make no mention of avocado or cheese or cilantro or salt and pepper. I didn't use them in either batch of soup I made, although I would have used some freshly chopped cilantro atop my own bowl if I'd remembered to mince it before the soup was ready. In addition to these omissions, here are some other futzings I made:

• I reduced the amount of cayenne to 1/4 teaspoon because I know that amount is enough heat for the boy...and probably for me as well. Half a teaspoon of the stuff seems excessive--heat for heat's sake. Like those asinine chili cook-offs at which macho types see who can prepare and ingest the most hellishly hot chili, not to determine which chili tastes the best but to see which person's taste buds and GI tract can withstand that much capsaicin and other flavor building blocks. Spare me, please.
  
• I added a bag (20 ounces, I think) of HEB frozen super sweet corn. I kid you not about the product name, Gentle Reader: This corn was teeth-achingly sweet, just a notch or two below candy corn in terms of sugary sweetness. That said, it served as a nice counterpoint to the heat.
  
• I used chicken broth instead of veggie broth, and I can't say how much of it I used either time because I was eyeballing the ratio of liquids and liquid-yielding solids to overall solids (more on this in a moment). I do recall using a bit of water when I prepared the first batch because I'd polished off what was left of the already-open chicken broth container and needed a wee bit more moisture, so I poured a bit of water into the empty broth container to collect any residue seasoning remaining and then dumped that into the pot.
  
• The first time I used three or four canned roma tomatoes and their juices left from the can I'd opened when I made the spicy rice on December 25. I had to break them up as I cooked them, which was a total pain in the rump to do with a 25-cent wooden spoon. The second time around, I used a can or two of no-salt-added diced tomatoes. They worked much better than the whole tomatoes.

I used well more than a cup and a half of shredded leftover turkey in both batches of soup, and the 20 ounces of corn certainly added a lot more to the pot, so just as I did with the Indian-inspired turkey and rice dish, I eyeballed the amount of liquid in the pot as the soup cooked. The second batch turned out to be a little less soupy for two reasons: (1) I probably used four cups of turkey meat just so it'd be gone but not wasted, and (2) I planned to freeze the majority of the soup, and I've found previously frozen soup reheats much better if I add newly opened broth to it as it warms up on the stove.

That said, if you aim to freeze the soup for a few months but will micronuke it before eating it, consider adding all the liquid you need initially. I don't reheat much in my microwave anyway, but I find trying to add ingredients to stuff being micronuked to be a pain in the arse. If you're a more experienced microwave chef, maybe you can accomplish this feat without muss and fuss, so perhaps withholding some liquid from the initial preparation will still work for you.

And while you're making this very easy, very satisfying turkey take on tortilla soup, please experiment with it, Gentle Reader! If I ever have the misfortune of having several pounds of leftover turkey meat on hand, I'll probably whip up another batch of this soup and add some black beans and diced bell peppers (red if I can afford them, green if not). You could also substitute jalapeño or another spicier pepper for the green chiles, maybe even sauté a cinnamon stick with the onions or add a dash of ground cinnamon with the other spices for a touch of sweet.

Damn. Now I kind of wish I still had some turkey so I could go play some more!

Eh, who am I kidding?