Batman Wants You to Eat Your Vegetables

The husband found this book in the "collectibles" section at Half-Price Books and had to blog about it.

--The Faudie
Remember the end of the first Superman movie, when Superdude turnes back time by reversing Earth's orbit? No, it didn't make one damn lick of sense, but I'm not here to complain about that. Instead, I'd like to pretend Superman is spinning the planet backwards again...

...and now it's 1982! And this cookbook is available at your neighborhood bookstore:

Yup, it's the DC Super Heroes Super Healthy Cookbook. This no doubt well-intentioned oddity tries to get children excited about eating healthy foods such as sprouts and wheat germ (seriously, half of the recipes include wheat germ) by having the likes of Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman pretend that these recipes are really, really exciting. Don't take my word for it, though. Let's examine a few select pages together.

Yeah, this is messed up. Here you have two winged superheroes, admiring a breakfast that looks like a bird...made from eggs. So enjoy the cheerful little birdie, if you can get past the creepy infanticide/cannibalism vibes it's giving off.

Remember when Batman was fun? Because this is 1982 and Frank Miller hasn't been born yet (at least, I hope he hasn't been born, as that's the only excuse I can think of for his juvenile writing), Batman is still a nice guy, dressed in baby blue and almost--almost--cracking a smile as he wastes his time investigating a plate of French toast.

The highlight of this picture is, of course, Robin's comment about "putting the banana in the Batman." Say what?!?

Okay, this one's actually kind of cool. Dig those crazy-lookin' sandwich monsters! Green Lantern spends most of the book fighting peanut butter-based antagonists. I have no idea why.

Supergirl has the same powers as Superman, but because she's female, she gets stuck making dinner. Nice. (But you do have to love these instructions: "Bake in oven for one hour at 375 degrees or cook for two minutes under heat vision if you have superpowers." If only.)

Not more bananas! William Moulton Marston would be having a field day with that illustration.

Here's the cookbook's big finale: a party to celebrate the founding of the Justice League of America, attended by everyone...everyone except the Martian Manhunter, who's mysteriously MIA. (I like to think J'onn is maybe in disguise as the punch bowl.) Again, as this is 1982, our heroes actually get to cut loose and have some fun.

If only they knew what's in store for them in the years following this party. Superman dies. Green Lantern dies. Green Arrow dies. Aquaman dies. The Elongated Man dies. Hawkman dies. Hawkgirl dies. Batman dies (or gets stranded in time, or gets lost on the way to the bathroom, or whatever). Kind of a bummer, isn't it?

Oh, well. On a more positive note, Zatanna returns to the fishnets and ditches the Count Chocula outfit.

So the DC Super Heroes Super Healthy Cookbook succeeds in making healthy eating fun, but more in the way of giving me an opportunity to snark about something than by me actually preparing any of the food. There is one recipe, though, that I may try someday if I have the time and the wheat germ. Until then, I'll return you to the year 2009. Get that globe spinning, Supes!