Who Comes Up With This Crap?

As I'm sure you know very well by now, Gentle Reader, the boys and I don't eat out much at chain restaurants because the food offerings available at them are, in a word, revolting. But given all the rumblings and rantings and ravings about the "obesity epidemic" and "America's ever-expanding waistline" and all that "scare you into eating prepackaged 'diet' food that'll kill you just as easily as the other stuff, if maybe a little slower" food, it takes a lot of chutzpah to keep adding to the menu choices that not only are revolting but just...make a sane person wonder if somewhere in some back room there isn't a cabal of fast-food and casual-dining restaurant menu planners in a race to outdo one another in terms of revolting menu items.

I present to you, Gentle Reader, as Exhibit A:

Denny’s fried cheese Melt with wavy fries and marinara

It takes a real food genius to recognize the taste sensation that results when one sticks deep fat fried phony mozzarella sticks between two slices of phony American cheese that are between two slice of bleached-to-nutritional-nothingness white bread and smeared with that slap in the face to cows every, margarine. Oh! Don't forget the novelty fries and that Ronald Reagan-approved vegetable, ketchup!

Yummy.

If you haven't been revolted enough today, Gentle Reader, check out the Web posting (I refuse to call it an article because this ain't journalism any more than what I'm doing here is journalism) from which I learned about this monstrosity.
UPDATE
Since publishing this post about half an hour ago, the husband has bombarded me with follow-up tidbits about not only this abomination from Dennys but also about the revolting trend of sticking food in food for one's gluttonous yen. Since he first alerted me to the Dennys abomination, I feel compelled to pass along these other retched (yes, I intended that) finds.


I miss Xzibit and Pimp My Ride. Remember those heady days of financial irresponsibility when people could max out their credit cards on stupid things for their cars? Okay, that probably still happens, but I still miss Xzibit.

The husband also discovered that the fine folks at Wait Wait... are Don’t Tell Me are way ahead of this thing and will no doubt be mentioned on an upcoming show, maybe even this weekend. I tell ya, Gentle Reader, you can learn anything and everything from NPR. Where do I send my pledge?

Veggie Feast for the Last Day of Summer Vacation

I suppose that in the grand scheme of things the weekend before the new school year begins doesn't probably count as part of summer vacation since, well, weekends are set-asides in my mind. They're not school days, therefore a student isn't on vacation over a weekend, right?
Well, whatever way you want to look at the Sunday before the first Monday of a new school year, I aimed to do it up right (not necessarily big, since "big" things tend to make me anxious, but what doesn't make me anxious, Gentle Reader?) so that it might be enjoyed by all. Of course, the new recipe I planned to prepare for the evening repast I knew would not be enjoyed by all because the boys are loathe to eat a vegetable that isn't a red bell pepper, a green bell pepper (although the boy can be finicky about even these) or a carrot (so long as it's still crisp and tender). Eh, screw 'em. What do they know about good food anyway?

Marrakesh Vegetable Curry

1 sweet potato, peeled and cubed
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
1 onion, chopped
6 tablespoons olive oil, divided
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 t ground turmeric
1 T curry powder
1 t ground cinnamon
3/4 T sea salt3/4 t cayenne pepper
15 oz. chickpeas, drained
1/4 C blanched almonds
1 zucchini, sliced
2 T raisins
1 C orange juice
10 oz. spinach

1. Heat 3 T of olive oil in a large Dutch oven.
   
2. Add the sweet potato, eggplant, bell peppers, carrots and onion, and then saute over medium heat for 5 min.
3. Heat the remaining 3 T of olive oil in a medium saucepan, add the garlic, turmeric, curry powder, cinnamon, salt and pepper and then saute over medium heat for 3 min.
   
4. Pour the garlic-spice mixture over the veggies in the Dutch oven.
5. Add the chickpeas, almonds, zucchini, raisins and orange juice.
   
6. Simmer 20 minutes, covered.
   
7. Add spinach to pot, cook for 5 min. more and then serve.

Yield: 6 servings of undetermined size

Nutritional Info
Calories: 275Fat: 17.4 g
Protein: 5.7 g
Carbs: 28.5 g
Fiber: 8.5 g
Na: 735 mg

The Faudie's Futzings
Usually before I prepare a recipe from AllRecipes.com, I make sure to browse the comments to determine if the recipe as posted was found wanting or lacking by other folks. This time, though, I didn't but can't give a specific reason why. I probably just didn't have time since I don't have a lot of browsing time between the transcription training and keeping the boy entertained.

That said, I did futz. I had to, Gentle Reader, or else I could no longer call myself The Faudie because a faudie futzes.

• I so did not use 6 T total of olive oil. I used maybe a tablespoon in my old nonstick Dutch oven to saute the veggies. (Sorry to disappoint, Gentle Reader, but Chive the Dutchie stayed in the cabinet because I was too lazy and tired to clean him up afterwards because Chive does not go in the dishwasher.) For sauteing the garlic and spices, I used maybe 2 1/2 teaspoons of olive oil in a small nonstick pot.
• Speaking of the garlic and spices, I didn't saute them anywhere near 3 minutes. Do this only if you want burned, bitter garlic and spices. Get the oil nice and warm, add the garlic, add the spices a few seconds later and then shut off the heat once the wonderful scent hits your nose. If this process takes more than 30 seconds, I'd say you didn't have your oil warmed up sufficiently before adding the garlic and spices. For shame, Gentle Reader!
  
• I substituted about a quarter-cup of orange-scented cranberries for the raisins (I'd been snacking on them--bad me!--while preparing this dish and figured they'd work nicely, especially with the OJ). I usually love golden raisins that have grown plump and succulent in a fragrant, spicy sauce, but I suppose my sleep-deprived stupor and munchie mouth prevented me from grabbing the bag of golden raisins out of the pantry.
  
• I only used 6 ounces of OJ because the little cans I buy are 6-oz. cans. I rinsed the empty can out with about 2 oz. of water to get the remains of the OJ out and into my curry. That said, I found 8 oz. of liquid to be far too little. I don't know if I had too many veggies (I hadn't even added the chickpeas and spinach at this point) or had the heat up too high, causing the liquid to evaporate too quickly, so I popped the top on a 6-oz. can of pineapple-orange juice and poured that in. Yes, I know, Gentle Reader, that's hardly an obvious addition or substitution (especially since I had a carton of low-Na chicken broth in the 'fridge), but I figured, Hey, what the hell! The additional 6 oz. gave the curry some actual liquid, and the pineapple-OJ blend didn't throw off any of the flavors--at least not to me.
  
• By the time I added the chickpeas (soaked 'em myself--and, as usual, had too many), my Dutchie runneth over. So even though I had an 8 oz. (maybe it's 10 oz.) of chopped spinach all thawed out and waiting to be squeezed dry and added, I opted not to add it. I just didn't want to be cleaning up flecks of stray spinach off Lumpy (me and my laziness!), and as I thought about it more, the spinach seemed like too odd an addition.
  
• Even though I have sliced zucchini frozen and needing to be used, I didn't use it. I instead cubed a glorious (and aging) yellow crook-neck squash Mum had brought me from the garden of a family friend waaay back in mid-July, allowing me to then transfer the remaining three out of the Wally World reusable bag they've been sitting in on the bottom shelf of 'fridge #2 (yes, Gentle Reader, I now have two refrigerators, but that's a story for another time) and into the veggie crisper of said 'fridge. Hooray!
  
• Because I'd sauteed the squash along with the other veggies, I didn't cover and simmer the curry for 20 minutes. Five minutes or so after adding the chickpeas (they'd been sitting in 'fridge #1 after being prepared at 3 a.m. that morning--damn almost-full-moon insomnia), the curry was ready.

I'd wanted to prepare some brown rice to accompany the curry, but I discovered I'm all out. (Bad, bad me!) So I ate the curry on its own, and the lack of rice was hardly a detriment. It didn't have a good deal of sauce like other curries, and what little sauce it did have I soaked up with a bit of pita.

This curry packs a nice one-two punch: First you get the sweet of the cinnamon, and then a few seconds later, the kick of the cayenne comes. Yowza, that's damn good eats! Now if you're not terribly keen on having your taste buds kicked by a fair quantity of cayenne, you could probably reduce the amount to a quarter of a teaspoon or even use red pepper powder that's a bit aged and therefore lacking in kick. Omitting it might even be a possibility, but then you'd be robbing yourself of the fun of this dish.

Another charm of this dish is its versatility. You could probably fairly easily swap out veggies in this one. Why not have both yellow crook-neck and zucchini squash in it? Take out the sweet potato and add more carrots and maybe some diced tomato. Use only red bell peppers, or throw in a spicier pepper in addition to the bells. Go crazy, Gentle Reader. It's the best time of year to do it because a lot of great veggies are in season.

The dish undoubtedly helped Monday morning go as smoothly as it did, for I had the boy off to school and my big 'ol butt at the gym in good time with nary a drama-queen tantrum, meltdown or crying jag.

He's dressed.

He's excited.

He's got his screwiness locked and loaded.

Yeah, this boy is ready to roll. Watch out, second grade, because here comes the boy! May the FSM have mercy on us all (but especially his teacher.)

The Faudie Returns...and Doesn't Talk About Food

I know, I know, I know, Gentle Reader, it's been a long while. If it hadn't been for the husband's handful of posts since my last in February, you'd probably have given up this blog for dead. But in an extremely early morning (3 a.m.) burst of monkey brain syndrome, I find myself wanting to post.

And not about food. That's one of the reasons I had to set the blog aside: I just didn't have a really healthy relationship with food. I'm slowly getting back to that point where I can enjoy cooking and not be swamped by a motherload of guilt and anxiety, which is really nice. That's not to say I haven't tried a few recipes that were winners and some that were forgettable, but I won't be doing any catch-up posts. Onward and upward, non?

So why the post? Really, that's a good question. I suppose I want to yammer a little bit about the end of summer vacation. That's right, the boy returns to school on Monday. Luckily he's still at that age when he can be excited about school, so his upbeat attitude helps me not get so stressed about his return and my own return to a less free-wheelin' schedule.

We've marked the end of Summer Vacation 2010 with a trip to the Blue Bell ice cream factory in Brenham (unless you like being swarmed by a lot of pasty white people who seem to breed uncontrollably paired with what amounts to a $5 scoop of ice cream, mark this outing off your list of things to do before you croak), along with a final trip to the pool where the boy took his first two weeks of swimming lessons and, later in the summer, passed his swimming test so he could start going off the diving board. Naturally, not enough lifeguards showed up for work on our final day, so the diving well was closed. But, hey, at least the asshole manager wasn't present to scream at patrons and lifeguards alike and generally make everyone's time there a living hell. The boy and I both appreciated his absence tremendously.

The husband and I even sneaked off to attend a movie on Dobie Theatre's penultimate day operating as a Landmark Theater exhibitor. Of course, this weekend also happens to be UT's Mooove-In Day for all on-campus dwellers, so we had to wade through crowds of overprivileged kids milling about while their helicopter parents unloaded all their useless electronic toys (really, you need that X-Box 360 for college?) and some more useful items (a change of underwear) with the help of returning students who were pumping Lady Gaga on a stereo (yes, a stereo, not on an iPod speaker setup). I felt terribly old as I glanced at the faces of the students, and I also felt terribly happy that my college experience was far behind me and paid off.

I'd worried that the theater might be swamped with nostalgia last-timers, but I needn't have expended that mental energy. The theater, like the entire Dobie Mall (a misnomer if ever one existed, for it's a glorified low-end food court with the requisite military recruiting office near one entrance), was largely deserted, offering proof why Landmark pulled the plug. Seeing as Saturday was its penultimate day, the theater was having a fire sale on its concessions: candy for 50 cents, sodas for a buck and 2 bucks for any size bag of popcorn. The husband was thrilled, although I think he was a tad disappointed no nachos with Rico's cheese were available. And I'm proud that he passed on the bagel dogs (although those might have already been sold out).

Since we haven't been to see a movie together since The Dark Knight hit theaters, we didn't haul down to the UT campus on Mooove-In Day for nothing. Since the Dobie was sort of Austin's first art house theaters, it was the only place showing Cairo Time, a character-driven film whose main attraction for us was its lead male star. (And allow me to say here that my attraction was on a different level than the husband's. It was perhaps apropos that I'd had to work my way through a college crowd because, boy oh boy, watching and, yes, drooling mentally over Sid again just took me back to my younger days.) It opened on Friday and closes on Sunday. Woohoo.

I'm not going to review the film because, well, I don't find reviews terribly useful--unless it's a review for a movie that deserves to be skewered, and the FSM knows plenty of those movies are made these days. But if you want to see a movie with no special effects, no big event moments (big chases, big explosions, big revelations, big plot twists) and not a big amount of chick-flick schmaltz, then it might be worth your while to check out Cairo Time. If you're not into the premise of the film, then at the very least you might enjoy some lovely images of Cairo.

Since turkey meatloaf hardly seemed appropriate following said breathtaking images of Cairo, the boys and I headed to Alborz for Persian. Damn oh damn did that ever hit the spot! One sour note, though, and that was the hummus. It was a bit on the bitter side, and I'm not sure why. I suspected a decreased quantity of garlic, but perhaps the garlic used had gone bad. Or maybe I've grown too accustomed to the red bell pepper hummus we've been getting from Sprouts. That's some tasty stuff there! But the bummer hummus didn't spoil our enjoyment of the fabulous food, and as always we topped the evening off at Dairy Queen with a buffet of Blizzards.

Really, Gentle Reader, it's no wonder I'm fat again, eating that way.

Inspired by the late summer bounty of fresh veggies filling the shelves at Sprouts, I'm off to start work on something called Marrakesh vegetable curry (yes, at 4 a.m.). I'd originally thought about making ratatouille, but I found my taste buds leading me to more familiar Persian/Indian/North African territory. Watch out, eggplant, here I come!