Halloween Rocks!

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is the holiday here at Chez Boeckman-Walker, and I wanted my blog entry to reflect that. I mulled over a few ideas then realized I didn't have time to do any of them to my satisfaction. Sorry, Gentle Reader, but I've been busy trying to earn some money and trying to unclog my body.

Nevertheless, today is Halloween and I want to do something fun. So I present to you, Gentle Reader, a few fun Halloween memories.


Here's me and my older sister getting ready to head out for trick or treating in 1978. At least I'm pretty sure it's '78. I know it's not '79 because that was the year I was a cheerleader and LaDonna was Sylvester the cat, we'd just moved to Bumblefuck, but we returned to our former stomping grounds to go trick or treating in the old 'hood and to see the release of Sleeping Beauty (still one of my all-time favorite movies, thank you very much). I wound up getting hives that night, which made for an interesting movie-viewing experience.

Anywho, given how old I appear in that photo, I'm pretty sure this was from '78. Ain't I just the cutest little white kitty ever? This is the first Halloween I remember clearly. I remember Mum taking out her eye liner pencil to draw the whiskers on my face. I still have the kitty hood she made. Those white tights--long gone.

Now, flash forward 25 years....



Our first Halloween with the boy. Ain't he just the most adorable little monster!

The boy didn't just appear in one movie that Halloween. He found time for a sequel.


And the obligatory outtakes reel....


Happy Halloween, tout le monde! Stuff yerselves stupid with candy!

Screwing Up Childhood Memories in a Few Easy Steps

When I was a kid, my twisted family had only a few enduring holiday traditions. Yeah, sure, there were the Christmas dresses Mum made (at least when we were younger) and going to Mass on Christmas Eve. For a few years, we'd always pick up a pizza from Pizza Hut on the way home from Mass, and some years we'd unwrap one or even all our presents on Christmas Eve as well. But these rituals, these traditions didn't really last more than a few years. What has lasted is the making o' the holiday sugar cookies.

But we didn't do your run-of-the-mill sugar cookies at the Boeckman Insane Asylum. Well, we did for a while--until my sisters and I learned the art of being snerky bastards. That's when we started "spicing up" the cookies. For example, in 1994, we had three gingerbread people I decorated as the skating beauties of that year: Nancy Kerrigan, Oksana Buy-a-mule and Tonya Harding. (Ahh, remember those fun, knee-wackin' days, Gentle Reader? We were all so innocent then.) For a handful of years, we had Headwound Harrys (yes, we were inspired by an insipid skit from SNL):


Then there were the reindeer with digestive problems, the unfortunate snowmen that had been visited by dogs--need I go on, Gentle Reader?

Passing on a Ritual--Badly
Families need traditions. Since Halloween is the holiday at Chez Boeckman-Walker, I got it in my head that the boy and I could make Halloween sugar cookies together. Since October 31 is quickly approaching, the two of us whipped up the sugar cookie dough using Mum's recipe Friday afternoon while working on reading skills, and it chilled in the 'fridge until Saturday.

I should have known that the cookies were going to be an unmitigated disaster because Saturday just didn't start off well. We discovered Nickelbucket was having an issue that required professional diagnosis and treatment, so the boys took him to the vet while I went off to the gym. Turns out N to the B has a severe bladder infection, but luckily no stones. (Mr. P had experienced bladder stones last year and required surgery. That was not fun.) Then the family's outing to a new Target was just a test of wills since the boy did not seem all that thrilled about cooperating with his parents and keeping his damn hands to himself.

So with all that fun and excitement under my belt, I attempted to roll and cut out sugar cookies. Hmm, where do I begin with all the disasters that followed?

First, the dough stuck to the rolling pin, to the counter, to my fingers, to the bowl, to the cookie cutters, to every blessed thing it came in contact with--even though everything that touched it was either heavily floured or coated with nonstick cooking spray. Second, the cookie cutters looked nifty but were not terribly practical. I don't think I got a decent, recognizable shape out of any of them, but you can judge for yourself, Gentle Reader, in a moment. Third, Mum's recipe didn't note how thick or thin to roll out the dough, so some of the cookie were thick and some were thin, but at least none of the MFers burned. Fourth, the high on Saturday was damn near 90 degrees and I was already have body temperature issues thanks to the allergies and crud I'm still combating, so the heat didn't put me in any kind of mood to deal with hassles.

Long story short: The dough recipe that was supposed to yield five dozen 2- to 2 1/2-inch cookies got us 18 total. Once baked, those 18 cookies looked more like amorphous blobs than any kind of recognizable Halloween icon. Yeah, unmitigated disaster.

Then it came time to decorate....

I've mentioned before, Gentle Reader, how working with buttercream frosting makes me feel sort of artistic. So I was understandably looking forward to decorating some sugar cookies--before the actual baking turned out to be such a disaster. By the time that fiasco was wrapped, all I really wanted to do was get the big bowl of frosting out of my 'fridge and the cooling racks of cookies off my table.

So perhaps asking the boys to help wasn't such as bright thing.... But this project was meant to be the start of some sort of family tradition, so I was determined to make it a family event, come hell or high water.

Fortunately, the decorating wasn't too bad. My orange wasn't as orange as I'd hoped, and I knew better than to try to make the black truly black, so I settled for a nice gray. And because one of the ghosts was badly misshapen, we wound up with a Jabba the Hutt cookie, so I got to mix a nice pukey gray-green and brick red for him. But the boy enjoyed wielding a butter knife to coat his share of the cookies, and the husband had fun both with the Halloween cookies and Jabba. They both enjoyed the cleaning up 'o the leftover frosting.

I wish I could tell you that the cookie themselves at least tasted good, but my allergies have me so plugged up that I can taste or smell anything. The husband says they're good cookies, and the boy wolfed down the one he got to eat for dessert Saturday night. I don't exactly believe that two males eating something is a sign of its quality. Let's face it, there's a reason Mikey from the cereal commercial was a little boy, not a little girl.

If you're searching for a yummy sugar cookie recipe, here's the one from Mum:

Sugar Cookies1 C butter
1 C sugar
2 eggs
1 t vanilla
1/2 t almond extract
1 t baking soda
1 t cream of tartar
2 1/2 C flour
1 t salt

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.
   
2. Whisk all dry ingredients together in a bowl.
   
3. Cream the butter, sugar, eggs, vanilla and almond extract in a large bowl.
   
4. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the creamed ingredients until blended.
   
5. Chill the dough for 2-3 hours. (I like to make the dough the night before in a container I can seal and stow in the refrigerator.)
   
6. Bake for 7-8 minutes.

Yield: 5 dozen 2- to 2 1/2-inch cookies

Sorry, no nutritional info. Did you really expect any? C'mon, Gentle Reader, Mum used to make cookies with Crisco, for cryin' out loud. D'you really think she was taught to worry about nutritional info?

Now that you've got the recipe, go start yourself a nice holiday calamit--tradition.

My Kid the Artist

The boy loves to draw. He's been drawing since he had enough coordination to hold a marking implement. He started with amorphous shapes that were trains and progressed from there. Anakin and Obi-Wan engaged in light saber duels with General Grievous or Darth Maul or a buttload of battle droids and droidekas are a favorite theme of his. If you ever want, Gentle Reader, to wallpaper a room in drawings of Star Wars battles, let me know.

While chalk on pavement is frequently the boy's preferred medium, he also likes to whip out the crayons. He presented me with the following image the other day after an afterschool incident involving his mother, pigs in a blanket, a Gamorrean guard action figure and a tragic case of mistaken identity. (If you want the story, shoot me an email. It's only funny if you're 5 going on 6 or 32 going on 6.)

For comparison's sake, here's an image of some of the characters who appear in the boy's art:


Okay, so my kid is no Ralph McQuarrie, but give him time.

Besides, he's damn adorable, isn't he?

Wheezer

No, this isn't a post about the band.

No, this isn't a post about that character from Steel Magnolias.

No, this is yet another self-centered post. But I'm not a weezer. Nor am I a Ouiser. Turns out I'm just a wheezer.

That Explains It
SO I got my arse to the doc yesterday because I was tired of coughing all the time and taking meds that weren't doing a damn bit of difference. Plus I'd begun to suspect that perhaps I wasn't dealing with just allergies. The symptoms weren't all lining up to point to allergies as the culprit.

And I was right. I have cold weather asthma. I breathe in cold air, my lungs don't like that so much, so they become inflamed and start spasming, causing me to cough. When I try to exercise (y'know, run 8 or 9 miles or, hell, just a mile) when my lungs are in this inflamed state, I make things worse. Joy!

So I got myself a script for an inhaler. Let me tell you, Gentle Reader, within minutes of taking my first two huffs off the thing, I had my voice back and the constriction in my lungs disappeared. Halle-freaking-lujah!

The inhaler didn't take care of the problem totally, and I didn't expect it to. I still am dealing with some allergy stuff, but it's clearing up slowly but surely because, hey, I can breathe again.

I tell ya, Gentle Reader, I cannot wait to get to the treadmill today and be my old self.

Mommas, Don't Let Yer Babies Grow Up to Be...

Tony Little.

Please, for the love of the FSM, don't do it.

That's Heavy

Brace yourself for a shocker, Gentle Reader.

Ready? Got a good grip on something?

Okay, I'm layin' it on ya.

I used heavy cream in a curry recipe.

Okay, don't gasp so loud, Gentle Reader. Do, though, let me know if you feel faint. I'll happily whip up some smelling salts for ya.

Yes, it's shocking and true. I bought and used heavy cream in a curry recipe last Sunday. I had to hit HEB to pick up a new container of sour cream, which I'd initially planned to use in the recipe, but when I moseyed over to the section of the dairy cooler where the whipping creams are kept, I picked up a carton on a larf to check the nutritional info. Lo and behold, heavy cream only has 5 grams of fat. Five grams! That's as much as the butter I used recently for something or other--which I actually ate.

Perhaps, Gentle Reader, this information is not such a surprise to you as it was for me. I could have sworn that at one point in the recent past, I'd picked up a carton of heavy cream and found it contained twice or thrice as much fat as what I saw listed on the side of the HEB-branded carton. Had I grabbed some high-end Euro-style cream? Had my addled brain confused the fat content in heavy cream with the fat content in many butters I've inspected? I can't say. Nevertheless, the 5 grams was a revelation to me.

So I went on to buy that carton of heavy cream, replete with its 5 grams of fat, because, hey, I'd never used it when it was needed in a curry recipe, and I was curious just how big a difference it would make in the final outcome. Plus I had my concerns that the presence of whole cloves in the curry recipe selected from Raghavan Iyer's 660 Curries might just be a little too overwhelming for me. After that first awful microwave carrot halwa incident, I'm still quite sensitive to cloves.

Garam Masala Murghi
or
Chicken Curry With Whole Spices, Cream and Tomatoes2 T canola oil
1/2 t whole cloves
4 green or white cardamom pods
2 fresh or dried bay leaves
2 cinnamon sticks (each 3" long)
4 medium-size garlic cloves, finely chopped
2 lengthwise slices fresh ginger (each 2" long, 1" wide and 1/4" thick), finely chopped
1 large tomato, cored and finely chopped
2 t Punjabi garam masala
1 t coarse kosher or sea salt
1 1/2 lb. boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into 1" pieces
1/2 C low-sodium canned chicken broth or water
1/4 C heavy cream
2 T finely chopped fresh cilantro leaves and tender stems for garnish

1. Heat the oil in a medium-size skillet over medium-high heat.
   
2. Sprinkle in the cloves, cardamom pods, bay leaves and cinnamon sticks, then cook until they sizzle, crackle and smell aromatic (10-15 sec.). Add the garlic and ginger, then stir fry until they are light brown (1-2 min.).
   
3. Quickly add the tomato to the skillet (this stops the ginger and garlic from browning further), then sprinkle in the garam masala and salt. Cook, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the tomato softens a bit but is still firm-looking (3-5 min.).
   
4. Stir in the chicken and pour in the broth. Bring the curry to a boil, then reduce the heat to medium-low, cover and simmer, stirring occasionally, until the meat is no longer pink inside and the juices run clear (10-15 min.).
   
5. Fold in the cream and allow it to warm, uncovered, stirring occasionally (2-4 min.).
   
6. Remove the cardamom pods, bay leaves, whole cloves and cinnamon sticks. Sprinkle the cilantro over the curry and serve.

Yield: 6 servings

Unfortunately, Iyer doesn't include nutritional info in his book. Buy you know already that the heavy cream has 5 grams of fat per serving, don't you, Gentle Reader!

The Faudie's Futzings
I must be getting soft--or competent--because I didn't futz a whole lot with this one. I used chicken breasts instead of thighs and three Roma tomatoes instead of one large run-of-the-mill tomato. I had three--two already diced--on hand after showing and teaching the husband some of the mad knife skills I picked up that Saturday evening, including how to core a tomato without making a mess. (One of these days, I'll get some videos up showing you, Gentle Reader, how to make with the mad knife skills yourself.)

One note about the Punjabi garam masala called for in the recipe: I didn't use it. I have a little baggie of garam masala I bought at Central Market, and while I used to remember what was in it, I don't now. If you want to make your own Punjabi garam masala, here's the recipe.

Punjabi Garam Masala1 T coriander seeds
1 t cumin seeds
1 t whole cloves
1/2 t black peppercorns
1/2 teaspoon cardamom seeds from black pods
3 cinnamon sticks (each 3" long), broken into smaller pieces
3 fresh or dried bay leaves

1. Preheat a small skillet over medium-high heat.
   
2. Add all the spices and the bay leaves then toast, shaking the skillet every few seconds, until the coriander and cumin seeds turn reddish brown; the cloves, peppercorns and cardamom turn ash black; the cinnamon and bay leaves appear brittle and crinkly; and the mixture is highly fragrant (1-2 min.).
   
3. Immediately transfer the nutty-smelling spices to a plate to cool.
   
4. Once they are cool tot he touch, place them in a spice or coffee grinder, then grind them until the texture resembles that of finely ground black pepper. The ground blend will be reddish brown, and the aroma will be sweet and complex, very different from that of the pretoasted and post-toasted whole spices.
   
5. Store the garam masala in a tightly sealed container, away from excess light, heat and humidity, for up to 2 months. Avoid refrigeration since it can adversely affect its flavor.

Heavy Cream, Light Difference
Perhaps my taste buds and food sensibilities aren't as refined as they could be, but I honestly didn't find that the heavy cream made that much of a difference in the flavor or texture of the curry. I really think I could have pour a quarter-cup of skim milk from the jug in the 'fridge into it, and the curry would have tasted the same. Then again, maybe not. The only way to find out would be to make it again and use some other dairy product in place of the heavy cream.

But don't mistake my disappointment over the inclusion of the heavy cream as disappointment with the recipe. In fact, the curry was pretty tasty. Even the boy--from whose dish we kept the cilantro because he is a hater of the cilantro--asked for more. Then again, maybe he was just that hungry....

The Galaxy's Cutest Korean Padawan

I know I shouldn't encourage this. It's only going to lead to ratty brown bathrobes at sci-fi conventions full of the morbidly obese (many of whom are dressed as Slave Leia). But...well, he's just so damn...so damn adorable.

Mad props to Mum for the costume. I couldn't have put together anything that recognizable on my own.

Happy Halloween!

Leaving Yoga

I left yoga today--well, teaching yoga anyway. My request for a leave of absence was accepted today, so come November 1, I won't be teaching any longer.

For those of you who've known me for a number of years, you might find my decision to take a leave of absence surprising. Once, I lived and breathed yoga. I loved teaching it and sharing my joy for it with others. Now? Not so much. Was it burnout? Perhaps. I'd say my decision to take a break is a combination of many factors.

What Is a Good Yogi?
For the past few years, as I've bounced between jobs and taken on more responsibilities at home (i.e., overcame the fears that drove me away from the role of mother), I've made less and less time for yoga when, if I were a better yoga student and practitioner, I'd have been making more time for it. But instead I began to doubt my practice as it diminished, and I began to seriously doubt my effectiveness as a teacher. As I moved further and further away from yoga, I seriously began to doubt my worthiness to be a yoga teacher and to even call myself a yoga practitioner.

But I'll say in my defense that I haven't exactly twiddled my thumbs during the times when I might once have been practicing. No, that time I spent on other pursuits, other interests. Am I a bad yogi for finding other things to pursue? Does that mean my interest in yoga was just a passing thing? No, I don't think so--or at least that's what I tell myself. Yoga has given me too much, has helped me change my life too much for it just to have been a passing fad. And considering how much I struggled with the decision, agonized over the choice of whether or not to continue teaching, I don't think I'd have expended that much energy over a passing fad.

What made me finally decide to take a break from teaching is my kid, who just so happened to be the reason I pursued yoga teacher training in the first place. Yup, that's right, Gentle Reader: I put my name in the pot for a teacher training scholarship because I wanted to get away from my infant son because I doubted my abilities to be a good mom and figured he'd be better off if I weren't around much. And now I'm walking away from teaching for a while because I believe he needs me around more--or at least I think that if I spend more time with him helping him learn some of the things I should have been helping him learn much earlier, I won't be burdened with so much guilt over being a bad mom.

Plus there's the whole issue of a household that needs to be run. Let me tell you, trying to get laundry done along with perhaps a little light housecleaning or baking or whatever else I might like to do on a Sunday morning along with getting my body and mind ready to teach a yoga class that's smack-dab in the middle of the day just...well, it throws your whole day off. There's not much time in the morning to get things done, and there's not much time in the afternoon after class to get things done. That sort of schedule just doesn't work anymore for us here at Chez Boeckman-Walker. A person gets tired of being frantic all the time.

So I'm transitioning out of being an active yoga teacher. Will I come back to it? I hope to. I can't imagine never teaching again. I pray that a complacency doesn't take over that prevents me from going back. And I know it'll be tough to get back on the schedule at the studio since it has a lot of teachers. But for now, I know it's time to be present for my family. That's my yoga practice now.

Getting Crazy With the Croûtons

Beck gets crazy with the Cheez Whiz. Me, I get crazy with the croûtons because Chez Boeckman-Walker is bereft of Cheez Whiz. We're up to our eyeballs in croûtons, for between roughly January 2000 and February 2008, I ate approximately 1.5 millions bowls of salad then suddenly stopped despite being fully stocked with half a dozen bottles of fat-free Kraft thousand island dressing (yes, I know it's just ketchup and relish, but I like what I like--or used to like) and as many if not more of Rothbury Farms buttery garlic croutons.

"Why the stockpile?" you ask, Gentle Reader?

The answer is quite simple. Our neighborhood HEB would occasionally be out of stock of one or both items for a few weeks, which would cause sheer panic at Chez Boeckman-Walker because, as I previously implied, all I ate were salads dressed with thousand island dressing and croutons. So when the shelves were replenished with these items, we tended to horde in case of another outage. Thus when I stopped eating salads, we had a stockpile.

That stockpile I've grappled with how to dispose of in a nonwasteful way. The dressing--hell, it'll be good through the apocalypse. The croûtons, sealed as they are in very sturdy packaging, are probably good as well, but they're taking up more than their fair share of space in my pantry. Fortunately, Christopher Kimball and the fine folks at America's Test Kitchen presented me with an opportunity to begin to dispose of the croûtons. (If they could present me with inspiration for using half a dozen bottles of fat-free Kraft thousand island dressing, I'll be really dazzled.)

"Oh boy! Chicken Nuggets!"
Last Wednesday (yes, Gentle Reader, I'm that far behind on blogging) night, the husband and I were thumbing through our copies of The Best Light Recipe and The Quick Recipe in search of inspiration for supper the following night. We'd grown a bit tired of the meals we'd been having of late, but I wasn't feeling terribly ambitious to embark on a full-scale culinary experiment since Thursday afternoon we were set to have our first parent/teacher conference, and I was quite apprehensive about what kind of progress report we'd get. Sometimes cooking can soothe my nerves or help me unwind after a harried day. Sometimes, though, cooking can make me even more frazzled, and seeing as how I was already losing sleep over the pending bad news about the boy, I doubted I'd want a big to-do in the kitchen Thursday evening.

Finding the chicken Parmesan recipe seemed to fit with what I wanted: not a lot of prep work, not a lot of cooking time and labor and not a lot wasted if the recipe turned out not to be to the boy's liking. Plus I saw in in the opportunity to use some of the croûtons stockpile, so that was a happy bonus.

Chicken Parmesan1 1/2 C panko (or 2 C fresh bread crumbs)
1 T olive oil
1 oz. Parmesan, grated (about 1/2 C), plus extra for serving
1/2 C unbleached all-purpose flour
1 1/2 t garlic powder
NaCl
Ground black pepper
3 large egg whites
1 T water
3 large (8 oz. or so) boneless, skinless chicken breasts
2 C plain tomato sauce
3 oz. low-fat mozzarella, shredded (about 3/4 C)
1 T minced fresh basil leaves

1. Preheat the oven to 475 degrees. Line a rimmed baking sheet with foil, place a wire rack on top, then spray the rack with nonstick cooking spray.
   
2. Combine the panko and olive oil in a 12" skillet, then toast over medium heat, stirring often, until golden (about 10 min.). Spread the bread crumbs in a shallow dish and let cool slightly. Stir in the grated Parmesan.
   
3. In a second shallow dish, combine the flour, garlic powder, 1 tablespoon of NaCl and half a teaspoon of pepper. In a third shallow dish, whisk together the egg whites and water.
4. Pat the chicken dry with paper towels, then season with NaCl and pepper. Lightly dredge the cutlets in the flour, shake off the excess, dip it into the egg whites, then coat with panko. Press on the panko to make sure they adhere. Lay the chicken on the wire rack.
   
5. Spray the tops of the panko-coated chicken with nonstick cooking spray, then bake until the meat is no longer pink in the center and feels firm when pressed with a finger (about 15 min.).
   
6. Remove the chicken from the oven. Spoon 2 tablespoons of tomato sauce onto the center of each breast, then top with 2 tablespoons of mozzarella. Return the chicken to the oven to bake until the cheese has melted (about 5 min.).
   
7. Sprinkle with basil and serve, passing the remaining sauce and Parmesan separately.

Nutritional Info
Calories: 310
Fat: 8 g
Sat fat: 2.5 g
Protein: 38 g
Fiber: 1 g
Carbs: 20 g
Cholesterol: 75 mg

The Faudie's Futzings
Only a few futzings on this one, Gentle Reader, the most prominent of which you can sure guess.

• Although I do have panko, I threw an entire 6-ounce bag of croûtons into the food processor (not all at once, mind you) to make the bread crumbs. Not only did I get to skip the whole toasting 'o the crumbs, their garlic flavor gave the crust an extra kick. Sure, the panko had a bit of a nutritional edge, but panko's flavorless--and the croûtons are taking up valuable real estate in the pantry. By the way, that 6-ounce bag gave me the cup and a half of crumbs I needed. Fabulous!
  
• I didn't use freshly grated Parmesan. I used the stuff in the can--so sue me--and didn't have nearly the half-cup needed. I think it was closer to a quarter-cup, so we had no extra to serve alongside the chicken. No big loss there, if you ask me.
  
• I didn't bother with the tomato sauce and mozzarella topping. I did, however, prepare some whole wheat rotini that I tossed with fat-free ricotta, milk and a bit of fat-free shredded mozzarella for a side dish.

Now I know what you might be thinking, Gentle Reader, after looking over the steps for the recipe: Why in the world would you spray Pam atop those coated breasts? As the folks at Cook's Illustrated kindly explained in a sidebar, that spritz of nonstick cooking spray keeps the top crumbs extra-crisp, and...

"This small amount of oil adds that 'fried' flavor to the crumbs, giving your food the illusion of being truly fried without making it greasy or adding too much fat, and ensures that it will emerge from the oven gorgeously golden."

If you dare doubt Christopher Kimball and the fine folks at America's Test Kitchen, just see for yourself what spraying nonstick cooking spray atop crumb-coated chicken breasts does for said crumbs:

Gorgeously golden, non?

You might have noticed earlier, Gentle Reader, that I only made two chicken breasts. Yes, I opted not to partake of this particular dish because I just didn't feel like more chicken. I was chickened out, so I thawed some yummy vegetable curry to enjoy. The husband gave me a bite of the chicken, and I thought it was pretty yummy, but I'm just not big on chicken dressed in coats.

The boy didn't see this meal as a light take on a favorite Italian restaurant offering. No, he took one look at the cut-up breast on his plate, grinned and hollered, "Chicken nuggets! Oh boy1 Chicken nuggets!"

Oy.

Recipe Update
A few weeks back, I shared with you my take on a Rice Krispies treat that uses Cocoa Krispies instead of Whitey McWhitey Rice Krispies. Well, Gentle Reader, I made it again late last week, this time using Choconilla Cocoa Krispies, a box of which I got for about a buck fifty at HEB using an in-store coupon.

How'd the bars turn out? Well, know in advance, Gentle Reader, that Choconilla Cocoa Krispies are pretty damn sweet because the white rice puffs aren't just regular Rice Krispies thrown in with regular Cocoa Krispies. No, they're shellacked with some chemical that tastes nothing like vanilla but is very sweet. So by the time you add these shellacked-with-sweetness rice puffs in with a fourth of a cup of Splenda brown sugar blend and half a cup of agave nectar, which I used in lieu of light corn syrup this time around, you wind up with some teeth-rottingly sweet stuff. But oh! is that teeth-rottingly sweet stuff wonderful! The brown and white puffs make the treat visually interesting as well.

And I Thought I Wasted My Time....

But for a sickie like me (my throat's killing me, I'm running a fever and my whole body aches), this is some funny stuff:

See more cats who are well-versed in Palin-ese at icanhascheezburger.com
.

So Wash My Mouth Out With Soap

It's been a long week here at Chez Boeckman-Walker. It shows in the post below. And it also shows in my turning over duties to post about this particular culinary misadventure to the husband. He was largely just a spectator, but...I'm tired, Gentle Reader. And he picked out this recipe, so he's to blame. Enjoy.

Angela refers to you all as "Gentle Readers," but I know she's just being polite. I'm sure everyone reading this blog is an adult who's heard adult language before. But just in case you need the warning, today's post is rated....


If you have delicate sensibilities, now's your last chance to look away. I'm typically not one for scatological humor, but there's no way to discuss yesterday's kitchen experiment without going there. If you want a taste of what's coming, take a minute to watch the following clip before proceeding:


Yes, we're talking South Park-style humor here. Consider yourself properly warned.

Still reading? Very good.

Today's recipe is Shit on a Shingle.

To clarify for all of the military types out there, this is not Shit on a Shingle as in chipped beef on toast. Rather, this recipe, courtesy The King Arthur Flour Cookie Companion, is for Peanut Butter Graham Squares...or, as this treat shall be known henceforth, Shit on a Shingle.

It all started out innocently enough. The three of us [human residents of Chez Boeckman-Walker -Ed.] gathered in the kitchen on a Saturday afternoon to make some no-bake cookies together. We laid down some whole Honey Maid Low Fat Cinnamon graham crackers for the crust (though how you're supposed to get the 11 crackers the recipe calls for in a 9 x 13-inch pan is beyond me), then got to work preparing the middle layer.

Here's where Angela suspects we ran into some problems. The middle layer consists of graham cracker crumbs, butter, sugar, peanut butter, vanilla and salt. The graham crackers crumbs we produced using our Cuisinart came out more like dust than crumbs. And because we weren't sure how to get the cup of butter [Smart Balance 37% Light Buttery Spread -Ed.] into the mixture and wind up with the smooth consistency called for in the recipe, we melted it first. Once we added the other ingredients, the result looked, well...it looked like diarrhea:


As you can see, the poo-colored middle layer came out much more liquefied than anticipated. It's around this time the recipe became known as Shit on a Shingle...or, for simplicity's sake, Shitty Bars, in honor of the South Park episode above. Appetizing, isn't it?

Surprisingly, adding the top layer of melted chocolate chips didn't make this treat look more offensive than it already did, but by then the damage was done. "These," Angela and I declared together (out of earshot of the boy), "are great shitty bars. This is the best shitty recipe ever, and we made it altogether as a shitty family."

OK, so maybe you had to be there for that to be funny. But try making these yourself sometime, and see if you can refrain from the potty humor. I bet you can't.

Shit on a Shingle
or
Peanut Butter Graham Squares11 whole graham crackers
1 1/2 C graham cracker crumbs
1 C unsalted butter
2 1/2 C confectioners' sugar
3/4 C smooth or chunky peanut butter
1 t vanilla extract
1/2 t NaCl
1 1/4 C chocolate chips

1. Line a 9" x 13" pan with the graham crackers.
   
2. In a medium-size mixing bowl, combine the graham cracker crumbs, butter, sugar [We used Clabber Girl sugar replacer instead -Ed.], peanut butter [We used Peter Pan reduced fat creamy - Ed.], vanilla and salt [We used "lite" salt - Ed.], stirring until smooth.
   
3. Spread the mixture evenly over the graham crackers and chill for 1 hour.
   
4. When the base of the bars is chilled, melt the chocolate chips [We used 1 cup of mini morsels - Ed.] over low heat, stirring until smooth.
   
5. Pour the chocolate over the peanut butter filling, spreading it evenly over the top.
   
6. Allow the chocolate to cool until set, then cut into bars to serve.

Yield: 24 bars
Serving size: One 2" x 2 1/4" bar

Nutritional Info
Calories: 266
Fat: 16 g
Protein: 3 g
Complex carbs: 8 g
Sugar: 21 g
Fiber: 1 g
Cholesterol: 22 mg
Na: 164 mg

A Shitty Dessert
Amazingly, as much as these bars looked like something that came from your colon while they were being prepared, the final product is somewhat appealing:


Looks good, doesn't it? Unfortunately, the consistency and color in the middle is still something that makes you want to reach for a bottle of Pepto. But what else would you expect from such a shitty dessert?

A Twist on Burritos

One of my daily terrors is determining what I'm going to feed the boy when he gets home from school that will give him energy (can't let him nap because he's proven that letting him do so means he won't sleep at night) but not fill him up before supper (which we've had to move back to accommodate his school schedule). I don't always have time to prepare something before going to pick him up, and waiting until after he gets home can be disastrous because that's tantamount to baiting the emergence of Crankor.

Fortunately, a few weeks ago MyRecipes.com sent an email with links to afterschool snack ideas, and a few of them I determined might actually work for the boy. We decided to try out the chocolate chip cookies variation Tuesday afternoon because I wrapped up the day's editing project sooner than expected and the boy had gotten a bit of a nap at school (always a blessing).

Puffed-Up Chocolate Chip Cookies1 1/4 C all-purpose flour
1 1/2 t baking powder
3/4 t salt
1/2 C applesauce
1 C packed brown sugar
1/4 C butter, softened
1 T vanilla extract
1 large egg
1 C semisweet chocolate chips

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Prep one or two cookie sheets with nonstick cooking spray.
   
2. Spoon the applesauce into a fine sieve over a bowl and let it stand 15 min. Discard the liquid that drains.
   
3. Combine the flour, baking powder and salt in a small bowl. Stir well with a whisk.
   
4. Scrape the drained applesauce into a large bowl. Add to it the sugar and butter, then beat with a mixer at medium speed until light and fluffy (about 2 min).
   
5. Beat in the vanilla and egg to the contents of the large bowl.
   
6. Add the flour mixture, beating at low speed until well-blended.
   
7. Fold in the chocolate chips.
   
8. Drop the dough by level tablespoons 2" apart onto the baking sheets.
   
9. Bake the cookies for 10 min. or until almost set. Then let them cool on the pan 2-3 min. or until firm.
   
10. Remove the cookies from pan and let them cool on wire racks.

Yield: 3 dozen
Serving size: 1 cookie

Nutritional Info
Calories: 78
Fat: 2.9 g
Sat fat: 1.7 g
Protein: 0.8 g
Carbs: 12.8 g
Fiber: 0.2 g
Cholesterol: 10 mg
Na: 87 mg

The Faudie's Futzings

• Yup, you guessed it, Gentle Reader. I substituted Promise for the butter, white whole wheat flour for the all-purpose flour and Splenda brown sugar blend for the regular brown sugar.
  
• I did not use liquid egg whites in lieu of a whole egg. Since the boy was serving as sous chef and he recently discovered the thrill of cracking eggs, I let him choose an egg from the carton and crack it. Ahh, remember those simple pleasures of childhood?
  
• I used half a cup of mini morsels instead of a full cup of regular chocolate chips because I don't have any of the latter. Plus the boy thinks the mini morsels are a hoot. Again, simple pleasures....
  
• Lumpy only needed about 8 minutes to get the cookies to that "set" stage. Ovens vary, so if you opt to make these cookies, keep an eye on your oven, Gentle Reader.

The boy took one of the cookies to his teacher and generously shared one with each of his parents. He seemed to like them, as did his father. Me? Eh, they're okay. They're "lightened" chocolate chip cookies. No cookie is ever going to taste like the ones Mum made back in the day unless I whip out the Crisco. And do you think in your right mind, Gentle Reader, that I would ever do that?

Yeah, exactly. Hell to the no!

Burritos Worthy of the King
I'm fortunate that the boy doesn't have really, really bizarre food preferences. The table manners of a slug, but fortunately he's pretty easy to please when it comes to food.

The boy loves peanut butter. The boy likes bananas. The boy occasionally will eat the tortilla his father gives him on Burrito Night (always Wednesdays) at Chez Boeckman-Walker. So a recipe using those three ingredients and a few more should go over well, right?

Now if you're expect a tale of disaster, Gentle Reader, look elsewhere. These peanut butter-banana spirals were a hit when the boy and I made them Wednesday afternoon.

Peanut Butter-Banana Spirals1/2 C reduced-fat peanut butter
1/3 C low-fat vanilla yogurt
1 T orange juice
2 ripe bananas, sliced
4 8" fat-free flour tortillas
2 T honey-crunch wheat germ
1/4 t ground cinnamon

1. Combine the peanut butter and yogurt, stirring until smooth.
   
2. Drizzle the OJ over bananas, then toss gently to coat.
   
3. Spread about 3 tablespoons of the peanut butter mixture over each tortilla, leaving a 1/2" border.
   
4. Arrange about 1/3 cup of banana slices in a single layer over the peanut butter mixture.
   
5. Combine the wheat germ and cinnamon, then sprinkle it evenly over the banana slices.
   
6. Roll up the tortillas, then slice each roll into six pieces.

A Different Kind of Sushi?

Yield: 6 servings
Serving size: 4 pieces

Nutritional Info
Calories: 245
Fat: 7.7 g
Sat fat: 1.5 g
Protein: 9.1 g
Carbs: 31.3 g
Fiber: 3.9 g
Cholesterol: 1 mg
Sodium: 275 mg

The Faudie's Futzings
I only did one thing different from the recipe. Instead of honey-crunch wheat germ (whatever the hell that is), I whipped out a box of Ezekiel 4:9 cinnamon raisin cereal that I bought when I first resumed eating real food after losing all the weight. The box has been sitting, neglected but opened, in the pantry here at Chez Boeckman-Walker because, quite frankly, the stuff tastes like shit. It tastes worse than shit. It's like eating dirt. That's been wedged in the waffling of the bottom of your sneaker for a while. So, yeah, I figured the boy would go for it!

(Not only could I just not bring myself to eat the stuff based on its taste, but I also couldn't do because of the whole in-your-face religious aspect. Keep your god out of my cereal bowl and out of my bowels, please.)

And the boy did like it, so we sprinkled a tablespoon of it over two of the four tortillas. I opted not to potentially ruin all four of 'em just in case the boy decided after a few bites of one with the dir--cereal that he really didn't like the stuff after all. (He's notorious for doing that. He'll be three-fourths of the way through some dish then suddenly declare he doesn't like it. Twerp.)

Oh, now that I think about it, I actually made two changes. I used fat-free vanilla yogurt. Let me tell ya, Gentle Reader, blending PB and vanilla yogurt makes for some damn tasty goop!

While we didn't fry these things or add bacon, I do think Elvis might have liked them. Maybe. I dunno. I'm not much of an Elvis aficionado. All I know is that the boy sure liked 'em. And that's good enough for me.

What's also great about this snack is that I had three PB-banana burritos left over for the rest of the week. Woohoo! Convenient afterschool snacking!

Melting Marshmallow Madness

Sometimes life just works out at Chez Boeckman-Walker to give me an extra bit of time in the evening. As surprising as it may seem, Gentle Reader, I'm often at a loss for what to do with this time because, to be honest, I've already done a helluva lot in my day and am never sure if I should start in on something that might consume my entire night or if I should just waste that time by, say, bopping around aimlessly online. In other words, I'm not terribly good at unwinding.

Monday gifted me with another of these unexpected chunks of evening time, so I went back into my kitchen to follow up on the creamy chicken and spinach dish I'd made for supper. I plucked a recipe from my "To Attempt and FUBAR" pile (another from Weight Watchers' Simply the Best book, which is now waiting for a new owner at the local HPB), gathered my ingredients for my mise en place and got to cookin'.

More Cereal Treats
Even though I have a big-ass bag of generic Rice Krispies sitting on my counter, waiting for a home in the pantry or elsewhere, I oh so wisely elected to make a pan of gooey treats using cornflakes. But this recipe did allow me to free up a little bit of space in the pantry because I had to use half a bag of marshmallows--not the miniature ones--and those puppies are space hogs.

Marshmallow-Fruit Squares4 t reduced-calorie margarine
20 marshmallows
2 C cornflakes
24 dried apricot halves, chopped
1/2 C unsalted sunflower seeds
1/4 C sliced unblanched almonds
4 pitted dates, chopped
2 T sesame seeds
1/4 t vanilla extract

1. Prep a 10" x 6" baking pan with nonstick cooking spray.
   
2. In a large nonstick saucepan over low heat, melt the margarine, then add the marshmallows. Let the goo cook, stirring constantly, until the marshmallows are melted (about 5 min.).
   
3. Remove the goo from the heat. Stir in the cornflakes, apricots, sunflower seeds, almonds, dates, sesame seeds and vanilla.
   
4. With moistened hands, press the mixture evenly into the pan. Cover the pan and refrigerate at least 30 min.

Nutritional Info
Calories: 145
Fat: 6 g
Saturated fat: 1 g
Protein: 3 g
Carbs: 22 g
Fiber: 1 g
Na: 69 mg

The Faudie's Futzings
A spontaneous culinary misadventure requires spontaneous substitutions. Hold on to your hat, Gentle Reader!

• Since the recipe required so little butter, I just got out the Promise. Spooning out four teaspoons from the tub is easier than calculating and cutting that much from a stick of low-fat butter. Yes, Gentle Reader, I really am that lazy.
  
• I didn't have any apricot halves, but I did have a bag of dried and diced mixed fruit. Since I had no idea of the volume of 24 dried apricot halves that had been chopped, I guessed and put in half a cup of the dried mixed fruit.
  
• I thought I had some sliced or slivered almonds in my Bad Batz Maru metal lunchbox of nuts. I was wrong. I did have some chopped walnuts of indeterminate age, so I threw in a fourth of a cup of those.
  
• My sunflower seeds were lightly salted. Oh! I'm a horrible person!
  
• I only used a tablespoon of sesame seeds 'cuz that's all I had, folks.

Just a tip if you opt to make these yourself, Gentle Reader: Make sure you use a nonstick saucepan. I used my 3-quart copper-bottom pan, which is not nonstick, and...well, I'm sure you can guess how well that turned out. The boys and I practically removed our fingernails trying to scrape the leftover goo from the pan. In fact, I think most of the sesame seeds wound up down the drain after I washed the pan because they stuck to the sides of the pot, not to the cornflakes, nuts, dried fruit or other ingredients. But, hey, if I weren't so bloody brilliant, I couldn't call myself The Faudie, now could I?

I also recommend using mixed fruit, if your available assortment of dried, diced mixed fruit is to your liking. I think my substitution added more color to the finished product. Apricots, nuts and cornflakes, in my opinion, make for a very Whitey McWhitey kind of treat. Then again, this recipe is from a Canuck....


Okay, sorry, couldn't help myself. I love that bit from MST3K. But if you want to see what I mean about the mixed fruit adding some color, here ya go, Gentle Reader:

As for the taste.... I wish I could report these babies were just the best thing ever, but to me they were passable. The husband seemed to enjoy them a lot, but I think he's pretty easy to please. But the making 'o the marshmallow-fruit squares allowed me to pass some unexpected free time on a Monday without getting swept up in a long-ass project that sucked away my entire evening. That's a victory, right?

Y'know, I Run a Lot

Yeah, I do run a lot.

The Boy Runs!

Here's a fun way to spend a late Saturday morning: Get stuck in a traffic jam of SUVs, minivans and those proverbial hockey moms (::shudder::) on the frontage road of one of the busiest sections of I-35. Can't tell ya how many times my little blue Fit was nearly smushed by some moron overcompensating with his or her gas-guzzling monster vehicle.... But, hey, we were all posturing and maneuvering and angling to get to one of the UT parking lots or garages all for a good cause: to let our brats run!

Yep, that's right, Gentle Reader, Marathon Kids kicked off yesterday with a ceremonial lap and a half at UT's Mike A. Myers Track & Soccer Stadium. The boy napped in the back seat while we battled traffic and tried to figure out just where the hell we were supposed to park, which was not in the garage where we'd been told to park by the organizers, because the route to it was blocked off by event organizers--nice! Then the three human residents of Chez Boeckman-Walker made their way to the section for schools starting with the letter P and endured some mindless yapping from those organizers, "entertainment" from various members of UT athletic teams and the running 'o the flags around the track while some saxophonist did his take on the national anthem.

When finally our section was called to make its way to the starting line (a 15-minute crawl under the stadium seating because the first section was taking f'in forever to do the first lap and a half), Daddy stayed in the bleachers to take photos and mind the backpack full of water (no way was I running with that thing strapped to my back or trusting the husband to run with our camera in hand--that's a formula for disaster right there) while I got to carry--yes, carry--the boy to the starting line. The next time I take part in a race, I'm going to find someone to carry me to the starting line too. Sheesh.

Speaking of formulas for disaster, here's another one: cram a few hundred toddlers, people who haven't run in decades, strollers, rambunctious grade schoolers and generally fit adults onto a collegiate track and expect them to make their orderly way around said track one and a half times. Sheesh, it's a wonder more people weren't hurt since the starting pack never really had room to thin out. But the boy and I did the best we can to dash and dodge and pass folks, and the boy was grinning and having the time of his life. His mom was having fun too.

(At least there weren't any damn dogs on the track. Austin can't seem to have a sporty event without the dogs showing up. Then again, at the same time Marathon Kids was kicking off, the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation was doing a 5K or some kind of fun run in Round Rock, and I believe dogs were welcome there.)

Over the next four months, the boy will be running 26.2 miles. The feat should be hard for the boy since he loves to run to school some days. With his energy, he could probably put it that distance four or five times over the next four months. And I'll probably be right there beside him!

If you want to read more about yesterday, the Austin American-Satan has an article and some pictures, primarily from early in the morning when the Austin schools ran. Or you can just enjoy the pics the husband managed to take.

Shopping Sucks

All right, Gentle Reader, don't hate me for saying what I'm about to say. That would be a natural reflex given our appearance-obsessed, jealousy-rich culture, but try to read on with an open mind, for the heart of my complaint isn't unique to my own experience.

All right? All right.

Being a size 4 totally sucks. I lost weight so that I could find clothes that fit me, yet I'm right back where I started--I can't friggin' find clothes that fit! Where once I had problems finding the sizes I wore because they were in demand, now I can't find the size I wear because in a lot of a style, typically a store where I can afford to shop receives only one or two size 4s. I suspect if I went to a store with higher prices, I'd be able to find more selection in my size--as if only rich women can afford to be a size 4. Ha!

And don't even get me started on trying to buy jeans. Size 4 tall? Fuggedaboutit! Size 4 relaxed fit? Fuggedaboutit! No, the only options available to me are slim fit designs, and I don't have the body for slim fit jeans. I have hips, thank you very much. And those hits preclude me from moving into the juniors department to look for pants because teen girls in some mass merchandise designers' minds don't have hips, which is the biggest myth ever.

As for skirts, I actually have to search for a size 2 because I don't have to worry about fitting pants legs over my muscular thighs but do have to find a waistband that fits. And my waist has always been a size smaller than my hips/thighs/ass area, so even the size 4 skirts hang off my hip bones.

Yeah, sure, I could stop running and working out, put on some weight and perhaps find clothes that fit. Yeah, like that's a great strategy. Guess I'll just stick to primarily wearing workout clothes (because the only places I go are to the gym and then to HEB and Wally World right after) and summer dresses (because we might see an end to summer-like weather sometime in late November).

And speaking of running, I gotta run to the gym so I can get home to then take the boy to start his own six-month marathon.

A Thursday KISS

The boy's school used to celebrate Grandparents' Day by inviting students' grannies and grampas to come have lunch with their grandkids. Considering how few students have grandparents living nearby, the school opted to retool the event. Thus today was KISS--Kids Invite Someone Special--Day for the boy's class.

I'm sure the boy would much rather have had any and all of his grandparents join him for lunch, but as he has no money for airfare to fly the four of them in, he had to settle on Mommy and Daddy. Yeah, I know, Gentle Reader--big friggin' whoopdedoo. So I though I would try to make the lunch a bit more special for the boy, as well as for the husband, who would be taking time out of his day to truck back to our neck 'o the woods for 30 minutes of quality time with the fam. No, I didn't get all Martha Stewart-y, but I did get awfully busy in the kitchen.

(Eww, no! Not that kind of busy, Gentle Reader!)

Forget PB&J or lunch meat and sliced cheese. Forget an apple or a banana. No, our little fam's KISS lunch would be special: balsamic-glazed chicken and bell pepper sandwiches with salted nut roll bars for dessert. Yum!

This Ain't No Subway Sandwich
The boy delighted in telling him how his little friend (whom I thought would be a better friend than the first little snot he hooked up with, but now I'm sincerely having my doubts) had lunch with his mom recently and his mom brought the kid a sandwich from Subway along with two cookies that were chocolate and a special drink and something else that I cut him off from saying because, quite frankly, I didn't give a rat's ass. Yeah, I know I'm supposed to be kind and respectful and listen when my kid talks, but, hey, the kid talks a lot, and a lot of it is just blather. Plus I'm appalled by how other parents feed their kids at school--McD's, Taco Bell, Subway, KFC, Wendy's and crap from every other fast food joint within a mile of the school--and I'm appalled that my son has to see this and form expectations of his own parents "treating" him to this garbage.

So maybe I was attempting a little oneupmanship when I decided to make the balsamic-glazed chicken sandwiches for KISS. So the hell what? I'm proud that I don't feed my kid crap from a fast food chain. Sure, he doesn't always eat the most healthful foods, but the food I set before him beat the hell out of the garbage.

Okay, sorry, I'm ranting. Onto the recipe!

This one arrived in my inbox earlier this week from MyRecipes.com. It was originally published in Cooking Light back in July 2005. I forwarded the email to the husband, who was a bit peeved at me for making him hungry with the email. Too bad so sad....

Balsamic-Glazed Chicken and Bell Pepper Sandwiches4 t olive oil, divided
1/2 t salt, divided
1 1/4 pounds chicken breast tenders
1/2 C balsamic vinegar, divided
2 C red bell pepper strips (about 2 medium)
2 C vertically sliced onion (about 1 large)
2 8-ounce loaves focaccia bread, cut in half horizontally
4 ounces provolone cheese, thinly sliced
1/8 t black pepper

1. Heat 2 teaspoons of olive oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.
   
2. Pat the chicken tenders dry with a paper towel, then sprinkle them with 1/4 teaspoon of salt. Add the chicken to pan and cook until lightly browned (about 1 min. on each side).
   
3. Add 1/4 cup of vinegar to the skillet, then cook until the chicken is done and the vinegar is syrupy (about 2 min.).
   
4. Remove the chicken mixture from the pan, cover and keep warm.
   
5. Wipe the pan clean with a paper towel, return it to medium-high heat and add 2 more teaspoons of olive oil.
   
6. Add the bell pepper and onion strips, then sauté them until tender (about 7 min.).
   
7. Stir in the remaining 1/4 teaspoon of salt and remaining 1/4 cup of vinegar, then cook until the vinegar is syrupy (about 1 min.).
   
8. Arrange the chicken mixture evenly over the bottom halves of the bread. Top the chicken with equal portions of the bell pepper mixture. Next, arrange the cheese over the pepper mixture, then finally sprinkle with black pepper. Place the top halves of bread on top.
   
9. Place a cast-iron or heavy skillet atop the sandwiches and let stand 5 minutes. Cut each sandwich into 6 wedges.

Yield: 6 servings (a serving is 2 wedges)

Nutritional Info
Calories: 433
Fat: 11.4g
Sat fat: 4.2 g
Protein: 34 g
Carbs: 49 g
Fiber: 1.9 g
Cholesterol: 68 mg
Na: 709 mg

The Faudie's Futzings

• I forgot to sprinkle black pepper atop the finished sandwiches. We here at Chez Boeckman-Walker are unaccustomed to the constant presence of salt and pepper shakers that adding such "final touches" is just strange and foreign and thus easily forgettable.
  
• Instead of provolone, I used the Kraft fat-free Swiss cheese slices stowed in the back of the refrigerator's meat drawer.
  
• I used ciabatta instead of focaccia because when I was at Whole Paycheck downtown yesterday, I couldn't remember if the recipe called for foca or cia, and I chose the wrong thing. The husband enjoyed the ciabatta, while the boy found it a bit too chewy. His jaws certainly got a workout during lunch for eating rather than yapping for once!

I'm not terribly familiar with balsamic vinegar, neither consuming nor cooking with it. Naturally, I have the brand that rated very poorly in an America's Test Kitchen product testing. (Here are highlights of taste-testers' thoughts on Pompeian balsamic vinegar: “All harsh hit; no subtlety or character”; “Bad flavor. I would only color Easter eggs with this”; and “You know the drill: Sip, squint, wince, shudder.”) Therefore, I wasn't surprised when a nauseating smell emanated from the skillet when I poured the vinegar in each time. Blorf! But by the FSM's bountiful bowl of fettuccine, the result was damn tasty!

Like a Trip to Stuckey's...
I suppose I was shafted as a child or I have a faulty memory (and I do), but I somehow missed out on that road trip mainstay Stuckey's and its ever-present pecan log roll. Instead, I was introduced to the pecan log roll when I received a trio of falsas as a gift (a gift I wanted, Gentle Reader, for my yoga prop supply--they're a helluva lot cheaper than 100 percent cotton Mexican blankets sold for yoga), for the falsas came with a freebie pecan log roll. Oh joy!

What does a pecan log roll from Stuckey's have to do with the salted nut roll bars I made? Dunno. You'd have to ask the husband, who was much more traveled as a youth than I was and, upon seeing the recipe for the salted nut roll bars, declared, "Oh, just like Stuckey's!"

(Perhaps the husband has a faulty memory too.)

This recipe we found on the back of the freebie issue of Cuisine at Home. I heavily modified it, so stayed tuned for my futzings!

Salted Nut Roll Bars1 lb. peanut butter sandwich cookies
1 stick unsalted butter, melted
2 C peanut butter chips
2/3 C light corn syrup
4 T unsalted butter
1 t vanilla extract
2 C mini marshmallows
2 C dry roasted peanuts
2 C crisp rice cereal

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Prep a 13" x 9" baking pan with nonstick cooking spray.
   
2. Pulverize the cookies in a food processor until fine crumbs form. Add the melted butter, and process until the crumbs clump together.
   
3. Press the clumpy crumbs into the pan, then bake 15 minutes or until the crust is golden brown.
   
4. Melt the peanut butter chips, corn syrup, butter and vanilla in a saucepan over medium-low heat, stirring until smoother (about 5 min.).
   
5. Spread 1/2 C of the peanut butter goo over the crumb base.
   
6. Sprinkle the marshmallows atop the peanut butter goo, then return the pan to the oven. Bake until the marshmallows puff (about 2 min.). Do not let the marshmallows brown: They will turn crunchy.
   
7. Stir in the peanuts and cereal into the remaining peanut butter goo. Drop spoonfuls of this mixture atop the puffed marshmallows, then spread it with a spatula.
   
8. Let the pan cool before cutting the bars.

Yield: 28 bars

Nutritional Info
Calories: 310
Fat: 18 g
Sat fat: 8 g
Carbs: 32 g
Protein: 7 g
Fiber: 5 g
Cholesterol: 13 mg
Na: 206 mg

The Faudie's Futzings
Oh boy, where to start with this one....

• I replaced the peanut butter cookies with Barbara's Bakery Peanut Butter Puffins cereal. Sure, the cereal was more expensive than a cheapie package of kill-your-heart peanut butter cookies, but do you really think, Gentle Reader, that I'm going to make something that has 18 g of fat without trying to make it more healthful?
  
• Speaking of those Peanut Butter Puffins, I made the mistake of letting the boys have a bit of it before I made these bars. Therefore I had about two-thirds of a box, which only has 11 ounces in it in the first place. Filling a 13" x 9" pan just wasn't going to happen, so I used an 8" baking square instead.
  
• Because I used cereal instead of cookies and wasn't sure how comparable the substitution was in light of baking time, I initially let the crust bake for about 10 minutes. Six minutes into that 10-minute time, I checked the crust and noticed it didn't look like it had burned (hazaa!), yet it didn't look like it had browned or turned more golden (it was golden to begin with). So I added about 10 more minutes to the 4 or so remaining, and when the buzzer buzzed, I called the crust good.
  
• In lieu of light corn syrup, I used agave nectar. I was a bit worried that I'd end up with bars that wouldn't set like the power bars I love. Surprise surprise, Gentle Reader, these bars set. It's a miracle! Praise the FSM!
  
• Concerned that the Puffin cereal dust would have difficulty sticking if I used my favorite Promise fat-free butter, I melted the required stick of butter--Land 'o Lakes light butter, that is. Because the butter had fat, the crumbs stuck quite nicely. Hoorah!
  
• Because I had about half the crust the recipe was designed to make, I used only about half a cup of marshmallows. I also had them in the oven for twice the time--4 minutes--because after 2 minutes, they didn't look like they'd changed at all. But after 4 minutes, I definitely saw puffing, so I pulled out the pan.
  
• And because I had about half the crust the recipe was designed to make, I wound up with twice as much peanut butter goo as I needed, so I did use the full two cups of Rice Krispies but only about half a cup of peanuts to make the topping. The topping that's about twice as thick as the crust--but damn delicious!

The husband arrived home for KISS just in time for the cutting 'o the bars. I made him wait until dessert to try them because, after all, I had a great lunch planned.

Lunch Is in the Bag!

When dessert time finally did come, the husband assured me it was well worth the wait. The boy, on the other hand, took a few small bites then decided he didn't want the rest of his. Oh well. His loss was Daddy's gain.

Lunch Bunch

By the way, I probably don't have to tell you, Gentle Reader, that the nutritional info I posted for the bars does not take into account my changes. One of these days, I might bop over to a nutrition calculating Web site, but not now. I've had a busy day, and I'm ready to kick up my feet and have a salted nut roll bar.