So Wash My Mouth Out With Soap

It's been a long week here at Chez Boeckman-Walker. It shows in the post below. And it also shows in my turning over duties to post about this particular culinary misadventure to the husband. He was largely just a spectator, but...I'm tired, Gentle Reader. And he picked out this recipe, so he's to blame. Enjoy.

Angela refers to you all as "Gentle Readers," but I know she's just being polite. I'm sure everyone reading this blog is an adult who's heard adult language before. But just in case you need the warning, today's post is rated....


If you have delicate sensibilities, now's your last chance to look away. I'm typically not one for scatological humor, but there's no way to discuss yesterday's kitchen experiment without going there. If you want a taste of what's coming, take a minute to watch the following clip before proceeding:


Yes, we're talking South Park-style humor here. Consider yourself properly warned.

Still reading? Very good.

Today's recipe is Shit on a Shingle.

To clarify for all of the military types out there, this is not Shit on a Shingle as in chipped beef on toast. Rather, this recipe, courtesy The King Arthur Flour Cookie Companion, is for Peanut Butter Graham Squares...or, as this treat shall be known henceforth, Shit on a Shingle.

It all started out innocently enough. The three of us [human residents of Chez Boeckman-Walker -Ed.] gathered in the kitchen on a Saturday afternoon to make some no-bake cookies together. We laid down some whole Honey Maid Low Fat Cinnamon graham crackers for the crust (though how you're supposed to get the 11 crackers the recipe calls for in a 9 x 13-inch pan is beyond me), then got to work preparing the middle layer.

Here's where Angela suspects we ran into some problems. The middle layer consists of graham cracker crumbs, butter, sugar, peanut butter, vanilla and salt. The graham crackers crumbs we produced using our Cuisinart came out more like dust than crumbs. And because we weren't sure how to get the cup of butter [Smart Balance 37% Light Buttery Spread -Ed.] into the mixture and wind up with the smooth consistency called for in the recipe, we melted it first. Once we added the other ingredients, the result looked, well...it looked like diarrhea:


As you can see, the poo-colored middle layer came out much more liquefied than anticipated. It's around this time the recipe became known as Shit on a Shingle...or, for simplicity's sake, Shitty Bars, in honor of the South Park episode above. Appetizing, isn't it?

Surprisingly, adding the top layer of melted chocolate chips didn't make this treat look more offensive than it already did, but by then the damage was done. "These," Angela and I declared together (out of earshot of the boy), "are great shitty bars. This is the best shitty recipe ever, and we made it altogether as a shitty family."

OK, so maybe you had to be there for that to be funny. But try making these yourself sometime, and see if you can refrain from the potty humor. I bet you can't.

Shit on a Shingle
or
Peanut Butter Graham Squares11 whole graham crackers
1 1/2 C graham cracker crumbs
1 C unsalted butter
2 1/2 C confectioners' sugar
3/4 C smooth or chunky peanut butter
1 t vanilla extract
1/2 t NaCl
1 1/4 C chocolate chips

1. Line a 9" x 13" pan with the graham crackers.
   
2. In a medium-size mixing bowl, combine the graham cracker crumbs, butter, sugar [We used Clabber Girl sugar replacer instead -Ed.], peanut butter [We used Peter Pan reduced fat creamy - Ed.], vanilla and salt [We used "lite" salt - Ed.], stirring until smooth.
   
3. Spread the mixture evenly over the graham crackers and chill for 1 hour.
   
4. When the base of the bars is chilled, melt the chocolate chips [We used 1 cup of mini morsels - Ed.] over low heat, stirring until smooth.
   
5. Pour the chocolate over the peanut butter filling, spreading it evenly over the top.
   
6. Allow the chocolate to cool until set, then cut into bars to serve.

Yield: 24 bars
Serving size: One 2" x 2 1/4" bar

Nutritional Info
Calories: 266
Fat: 16 g
Protein: 3 g
Complex carbs: 8 g
Sugar: 21 g
Fiber: 1 g
Cholesterol: 22 mg
Na: 164 mg

A Shitty Dessert
Amazingly, as much as these bars looked like something that came from your colon while they were being prepared, the final product is somewhat appealing:


Looks good, doesn't it? Unfortunately, the consistency and color in the middle is still something that makes you want to reach for a bottle of Pepto. But what else would you expect from such a shitty dessert?