31 May 2009

'Unmistakeable'? I Beg to Differ

...when The Washington Post asked Mrs. Obama for her favorite recipe, she replied, “You know, cooking isn’t one of my huge things.” And last month, when a boy who was visiting the White House asked her if she liked to cook, she replied: “I don’t miss cooking. I’m just fine with other people cooking.” Though delivered lightheartedly, and by someone with a very busy schedule, the message was unmistakable: everyday cooking is a chore.
I'm sorry, New York Times op-ed contributor Amanda Hesser, but I think you're mistaken.

Not every person who doesn't enjoy cooking views it as a chore. Let's face it: We place a lot of expectations on the foods we eat, and those people who make it face those expectations. Food is comfort for many of us, and the food we eat must stand and be compared to the trove of memories--emotional and spacial, if you will--of the food we've eaten in the past. People who prepare food face the challenge of not only nourishing others' bodies but also others' hearts and others' emotional attachment to food and their memories.

Is it any wonder then that some people don't thinking cooking is the greatest thing ever?

Really, that's one of things this blog is about: My overcoming all my insecurities and fears and phobias about preparing food. Admittedly, I'm probably way more neurotic than Michelle Obama, but who's not to say she doesn't have her own food legacy that she doesn't particularly feel the need to live up to? The FSM knows she's done and continues to do a lot of other worthwhile things with her time and talents. Why must cooking be one of them?

Additionally, why aren't we badgering President Obama about his penchant or lack thereof for cooking? Why must his wife face this scrutiny? Why is it that many male cooks typically are celebrated with restaurants and cookbooks and TV shows and whatnot while far too many female cooks are the workhorses of private homes who either are uncelebrated in their decision to take up the art and craft of making meals or are slammed for their apparently unwillingness to do so or slammed for, perhaps, being too daunted by the work involved or accused of a myriad of other shortcomings?

If you find you enjoy cooking, great. If you find you don't, so the hell what? That doesn't make you any less of a person--or any less qualified to be a spokesperson for improved relationships with food and eating.

The Biking Misadventures of a Faudie

You may recall, Gentle Reader, that the boy learned to ride his bike sans training wheels shortly before Mother's Day, which was an incredible triumph for both him and me. Since then, we've put in a lot of time on the bikes and will probably continue to do so throughout the summer.

You may recall as well, Gentle Reader, that I'm a Spinner. It's not my most favorite thing I do at the gym, but I do enjoy it and its benefits. It's made me a much better rider, which has its positives and negatives. One of those negatives: I've learned the joy of the upstroke, and I miss it when I'm not clipped into a Spin bike, such as when I'm out and about on my bike. When the boys and I are out and about, we make our way up a fair number of inclines (Austin is part of the Hill Country in a way), and I miss having my upstroke then especially.

So what's a recreational-but-enthusiastic-and-fit biker to do? Why, switch up pedals so she can somehow secure herself to them and therefore claim her upstroke, of course! But that simple fix does have one caveat in my case: I need to be able to dismount quickly in case the boy has an accident. I love my Spin shoes, but getting unclipped quickly on the bikes at the gym is just not possible. I also can't exactly wear my Spin shoes out and about because (1) I may need to run to get to the boy, and Spin shoes are not for running and (2) Spin shoes aren't really made for general wearing. For these reasons, I ruled out SPD pedals for my bike.

My only choice, it seemed, was a set of cage attachments or these things called Power Grips, which looked really promising as a quick-release option. Unfortunately, getting either solution onto my pedals wasn't as simple as buying a pair and attaching them. No, my cheap bike came with cheap pedals that did not have detachable front reflectors, which meant they had no holes into which to screw the cages or Grips. So step #1 for my pedal upgrade was finding pedals that fit my old, cheap bike--I was learning quickly how cheap and how old it was, although the Huffy I bought back in '94 at ALCO never struck me as cheap and old--and that task proved to be more difficult than I anticipated.

Pedals, Pedals Everywhere But Not a Pair to Fit
I started my quest at the Performance Bicycle shop in South Austin on our way home from our misadventure at the veloway. I tried to explain my situation, but eventually I had to have the clerk come out and look at my bike. He took one look and muttered something about a single-arm crank and special order. Special order sounded expensive, which I was not in the market for, so I thanked him and left.

A few days later, I hauled my bike to a place closer to home, Bicycle Sports Shop. Initially the clerk helping me tried to sell me a set of 9/16" pedals, but when another clerk went to put them on, he realized they were the wrong size. No, my bike needs 1/2" pedals, I learned that day. Luckily, the shop had some BMX-style pedals that fit, so off I went with them installed.

While the new pedals did have a better grip, they did not have the necessary holes for attaching the Power Grips, which I acquired the same day at the Performance Bicycle shop closer to home. Bugger!

After doing some research and calling around, I discovered University Cyclery had pedals in the size I needed. Woohoo! Two days after acquiring the BMX pedals and the Power Grips, I made my way to a third shop to acquire another set of pedals. I explained my needs to the clerk at University, and he said he heard bad things about the Power Grips from local riders who'd tried them. Based on his advice and on my in-shop test of the Grips' mounting bracket with the pedals I'd found at the store, I determined I was probably going to be better off with the cages. So I bought a pair of them along with the pedals.

That evening, the husband kindly installed the new pedals, all tricked out with the cages. I went for a test ride and noticed immediately that the pedals seemed...off. They almost seemed to wobble under my feet, and I wasn't sure if they just weren't installed improperly or if my upstroke motion was causing the wobbling sensation. The husband took the bike for a spin and confirmed the off-kilter feeling of the pedals.

A Return and a Revelation
Since I had to return the Power Grips to Performance, I decided yesterday to haul my bike along when I made the return so I could get someone in the service department to take a look at the new pedals in the hopes that he or she could determine the problem. Sure enough, the rather gruff (bordering on dismissive and rude) service person quickly told me the pedals were the wrong size and that I needed 9/16" pedals. I tried to explain to him why I had 1/2" pedals, and he barked a few things, so eventually I just decided I'd avoid a testy situation and began nodding my head a lot and playing dumb. (The blonde hair really helps sell that routine.)

What came out of that conversation was this: Because we'd installed the wrong-size, higher-quality pedals crooked (not through any fault of the husband's, mind you, Gentle Reader) on my cheap-ass bike, we'd probably stripped the threads on the crank arms, thus probably making it impossible for even the original cheap-ass pedals to go back on. In short: In my attempts to make minor upgrades, I'd probably rendered my bike unrideable, for the crooked pedals twerked my knees, and I don't need any additional twerking 'o my knees, thank you very much.

Le sigh.

On top of that, Dairy Queen had already switched its Blizzard of the Month flavor, so my plan for one final raspberry-chocolate truffle Blizzard. Dammit! Could my day get any worse?

No, Gentle Reader, I didn't ask that of the universe. I didn't want to tempt fate.

Fortunately, the husband was able to get the new pedals off and the old, cheap pedals back on fairly securely, so at least the bike was rideable.

What Else You Can Buy on Craigslist Besides Sex
The universe, in its infinite wisdom, did open a door for me despite the bike woes it had sent my way. I hopped on Craigslist's local bike sales listings late in the afternoon just to browse selection and prices. Sure, my old, cheap bike was rideable, but for how long?

Happily, someone late in the afternoon posted an ad for a Specialized Hardrock 17" mountain bike that was at least 8 years old and in pretty good condition for a pretty decent price. After doing a bit of research, I figured I'd send a query about its availability. And then spent the rest of the evening glued to my computer in hopes of getting an email letting me know the bike was still available.

And got up this morning to do it again--when I wasn't cleaning up cat puke, trying hard not to kill Bucket for yet again unraveling part of the blanket I'm knitting for the boy (granted, it was my own fault for leaving it in a place where he could get to it), hanging out with the kittens outside, kickboxing, mowing the lawn, removing the pavers from the west side of the driveway and, finally, showering. Around 11:30, I got my rear in gear to make the final batch of returns: the BMX pedals to Bicycle Sports Shop and the other pedals and cages to University.

While at Bicycle Sports Shop, I asked one of the clerks to help me determine what size bike frame I needed. Boy oh boy, talk about an education I got! No, I'm not being sarcastic there, Gentle Reader. I really did learn a lot.

And I also made the mistake of trying out a really, really sweet fitness hybrid model from Trek and falling head over heels in love with it. I knew I shouldn't have even done that after seeing the price tag--$640, which is way beyond my price range--but I really was curious to know how it felt to ride a bike that the numbers indicated was the right size for me. Perhaps that's why I felt so hard so fast: Riding that Trek FX was a dream come true for my cranky QL and crotchety hip flexors. The bike also was incredibly light-weight: Parmer Dude weighs more than that bike.

I fell so hard for it that, as I drove away, I was contemplating how I could get the bike through Trek's financing plan (i.e., credit card with one-year payment deferred opportunity) without the husband knowing the true cost of the bike. Pathetic, non? That's almost like having an affair with another person!

After saying a heart-breaking adieu to the Trek, I hauled arse to University to return the pedals and cages. I browsed the bikes at that store, but I didn't find anything that screamed out to me, "I'm comparable to the one you fell in love with but at a fraction of the price!"

As I was making my way home, my cell phone rang: It was the Hardrock seller! Woohoo! After getting some directions, I whipped a U and headed to his (incredibly nice) house to check out his bike. Even as I drove his way, I was doubting his boke would work. After all, it was a 17" frame (if I read the information right last night) and I seemed to be best suited for a 20" unisex frame (the size of my Trek dream bike).

Then the seller answered his door and stepped his roughly 6' 3" body outside. Yeah, I realized in a nanosecond, if this guy can ride that bike, sure as shit I should be able to, bum QL, knees, hip flexors and everything!

I took it for a spin without lowering the seat, still adjusted for his roughly 6' 3" body and knew within seconds this bike would work just fine. I handed over the cash I'd wisely stopped by an ATM to retrieve, he helped me with the quick-release attachments on the front wheel to get the thing loaded in my trusty Fit and I was off to home, much later than anticipated when I'd left at 11:30 but feeling much better about my biking situation.


Yeah, sure, it's school bus yellow, but it's a great ride. Also, it's a fraction of the weight of my old bike (seen behind New Yellow in the photo); I can lift the thing with one hand--sweet! I might need to replace the tubes as the seller suggested, but I'm going to wait and see how they do. I also need to take off the attachment/base piece for the Krytponite U-lock the seller had attached but had unfortunately lost the key for it, install a second water bottle holder (now all three of us can have water when we ride!) and put my underseat first aid kit on.

Will I attach cages? I dunno. The pedals are the right kind, and I have to admit I feel kinda silly having returned the ones to University--but how was I to know I'd have a new bike within an hour of returning them? I'm just going to relax and enjoy my new ride and see how it goes.

30 May 2009

Trying This One on for Size

You've probably noticed, Gentle Reader, a few changes to the blog. I wanted to have these changes ready in time for the blog's one-year anniversary, but I just didn't have the time.

Obviously, the look has changed. I wanted a layout that better spoke to the primary theme of the majority of the posts, which changed from the various transitions in my life to my misadventures in the kitchen, hence the title change as well. While I plan to continue primarily posting about those misadventures, I probably won't stop throwing in posts about my running milestones, crazy shit my kid does, crazy shit that happens to me that doesn't involve food in some way and whatever life throws at me. Really, the tagline of the old theme, "Change is the only constant in the universe," still readily applies to me and mine, and I find I enjoy sharing those constant changes with you, Gentle Reader.

If you hate the changes or love them, let me know. I'm a real amateur when it comes to futzing with templates, and I know I've lost a few widgets or gadgets or whatever they're called, so I'm not really sure if there's still a link for e-mailing me. Or just leave me a comment. Cool? Cool.

Really? Already?

Seems like it was just a few months ago that I hit 1,000 miles run and logged. Here I am, already at 1,500.


Damn. I'll be at 2,000 miles before I know it. Probably before I reach the one-year anniversary of logging my miles.

Sweet.

29 May 2009

How Not to Donate Plasma

Donating plasma is an easy way to make a little spare change, right? It's a step up, I suppose, from making yourself a human guinea pig in phase 1 or phase 2 clinical trials if you happen to live near a CRO (contract research organization) because, hey, if you get that new drug candidate and not the placebo and said drug candidate happens to have some wicked side effects--side effects coming to light thanks to human guinea pigs--boy does that money you make not seem like such relatively easy money.

Well, for those of us with small veins--or maybe just for me--donating plasma isn't exactly an easy way to make a little spare change I discovered. (Moreover, I don't think donating really is the appropriate verb to describe the transaction. Donating implies a certain level of altruism, doesn't it, Gentle Reader? And while some folks do donate because they're more interested in the health care and medical needs their donations help fill, a lot of plasma givers do it for the money. But selling seems so cheap and tawdry, like selling your kid for a crack rock.)

In as Little as Two Hours My Arse!
When I made my intake appointment, I was told I'd be needed for about three hours. Since I have an obligation to pick up the boy from school at 2:45, I chose a time that would get me in and out with a modicum of time to spare. And while I waited (and waited and waited some more) in the lobby, the continuously looping "All About Donating Plasma" presentation droned on and on about how donors earn good money for their donations each week "in as little as two hours" of "me" time they can spend reading, listening to music or catching up on work.

Yeah, right. What the person on the phone making my appointment didn't tell me is that apparently first-time donors aren't exactly a high priority at the center, or else the facility is understaffed to process efficiently first-time donors along with returning donors.

How do I draw these conclusions? My 11:30 appointment really sort of started around 12:30, when I had my first interaction with an alleged nurse. In 15 minutes or so, my file was in the system and I'd filled out the primary paperwork. Then I had to wait another 30 minutes to see another health care person (an EMT, I think) to get a quick physical exam and to answer the exact same questions I'd answered as part of my initial intake. Then I had to wait for an open plasmaphoresis machine and then wait some more to be hooked up to it, so I think it was shortly before 2 p.m. when blood started flowing out of my body.

And therein was a problem. I'd asked the EMT physical provider a little after 1 p.m. how long the donation itself would take, explaining that I had somewhere to be at 2:45 and that I'd been told the appointment would only take about 3 hours. He assured me I'd be able to make my 845 (cc, I guess) donation target before then. Of course, he didn't count on the phlebotomist (or whatever certification the face shield-wearing folks working the plasmaphoresis machines are) having an extremely difficult time finding a vein then getting the needle set into the vein for the blood to flow. Nor did that EMT count on my assigned health care assistant futzing repeatedly with the needle until the seal around it in my vein broke, leading to me starting to bleed out and develop a hematoma. This was around 2:10 p.m.

Fun times, Gentle Reader. Fun times.

At that point, I told the tech that I had to be somewhere at 2:45. He started mumbling about policies, and I told him that I'd been told when I made my appointment a few weeks ago that I'd be finished before 2:45. So at that point, he wisely decided to put a new needle in my left arm to give me back my red blood cells, but I wouldn't be allowed to leave the facility until I'd waited 15 minutes in the lobby so the staff could make sure I wouldn't have any adverse reactions to my donation. That would get me out of the building at 2:55.

Argh! And here I'd left my cell phone in the car.

After I was all bandaged up and sent out to wait, I raced out to my car (feeling perfectly fine, by the way) to grab my cell phone to call the husband to ask him to call the school. Heh, as usual, I can't get ahold of the husband on his cell--which he'd specifically asked me to call should I need him that day. Lovely. So I wound up calling 411 to get the school's number (I've never added it to my cell because I hate my cell phone and avoid using it as much as possible) and then frantically explaining to the secretary what was going on.

At 2:55, I grabbed my debit card with my $30 (woo-woo) from the front desk, dashed out of the building, raced over to the school, parked, ran inside and found the boy waiting with one of the kindergarten teachers. I apologized profusely to him and the teacher, got him out to the car, drove around the building to where we'd parked his bike that morning (because I'd figured I'd be able to ride down to pick him up because, hey, the appointment was only to take about 3 hours), stuffed it into my trusty Fit then hauled ass home.


How Much Misery Will 30 Bucks Buy?

I didn't follow the hematoma after-care instructions the tech gave me, and I don't think I'm the worse for it. The puncture on my left arm looks worse than the one on the right, although the right elbow bend is a little sore from all the jabbing and twisting and "readjusting" the techs did on the original needle.

As I pondered my first attempt at selling plasma, I asked myself, Will I go back? Immediately afterwards, I was undecided. After all, once the tech got a decent needle placement, the stuff started to come out like it should. I think part of the problem was that I'd been still for so long, thus my blood began to pool a little. And the facility was chilly, which also discourages blood flow to the extremities. I determined that if I made another appointment, I wouldn't go dressed in running capris and a sleeveless top, and maybe I'd try running around the parking lot while waiting my turn to bleed for money.

Second Verse, Same as the First
I bit the bullet and scheduled a second selling session with high hopes that since I wouldn't have to go through the rigmarole of donor intake, I wouldn't get as chilly just sitting around. Plus I decided I would indeed wear long pants and a shirt with sleeves and would bring along with palm-sized neon pink squeezy-foam brain my elder sister had given me years ago that she'd picked up at some lawyers' conference (because palm-sized neon pink squeezy-foam brains make great schwag for lawyers and biotech writers) to help encourage the blood to flow in my beneedled arm.

The first tech I saw had some concern about my eligibility to donate since my first donation had left me with a bruise on each arm. However, I showed them the unbruised, undamaged vein on my right arm from which I'd had drawn most of the blood samples I've ever had to give. She and her supervisor agreed it was a good candidate, so I scored a bleeding bed and was eventually hooked up.

All things seemed good to go this time: The blood started to flow without a lot of futzing around with the needle, and I watched hopefully as my bag of plasma began to fill. But when said bag was about a quarter filled, the machine began feeding me back my red blood cells, and again that's when I had a problem. Needless to say, I wasn't able to donate my full amount, but luckily I didn't have to have a second puncture to complete the blood cell return. However, I did have to wait 30 minutes in the lobby before being released. But I got five bucks more for my misery, so I guess that's some token conciliation, right?

I suppose I need to research how the plasmaphoresis machines work because I'm not sure if I'm supposed to start getting my red blood cells back so quickly into the donation process. I mean, are the machines designed to take some, then give back then take more then give back again so they don't drain donors dry or put them at risk for shock or some other adverse reaction? Or is something about my body's output trigger the machine to automatically stop the donation process and start up the red blood return process? Because it strikes me that it's at that point--about 15 or 20 minutes into the donation when the RBCs start coming back--that I have the issue.

Hmm...

Again, I have to ask myself if I'll go back for a third try. I'll probably have to wait a week since my right arm is surely out of commission until Wednesday's hematoma and today's new one heal. Also, I'm not sure if I can get a second good vein to pop out in my left arm because the one used Wednesday was classified as bruised by the tech today. I mean, I did get enough money between the two donations to pay for groceries and still have a little left over, which is nice. But will the center eventually rule me out as an eligible candidate because I keep having these problems? I dunno.

28 May 2009

Yet More Kitteny Goodness

Here are some shot of the little ones from earlier in the week. Too bad, Gentle Reader, you can't be here to enjoy their frolicking. It truly is a great way to pass the time.

Usually these two are attacking each other in the oleander. They're taking a break. Being adorable is hard work, after all.

Chow time!

Camping out on the storage chest, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Do rough it without Momma and Calli.

Just ridiculously adorable, aren't they!

Amen, Brother!

I've edited more than my fair share of summaries for books about ADHD, ADD, "high needs" children (all kids are high-needs kids, really), "out of sync" children (see previous) and kids tagged with every other label attached to young ones who are not easily trained to sit still and sit silently for prolonged periods. Imagine my delight, Gentle Reader, when I found the following PR during my morning med news trolling.

History of Hyperactivity Off-base, Says Researcher
Educators do children and parents a disservice by claiming Mozart and others had ADHD

A Canadian researcher working in the U.K. says doctors, authors and educators are doing hyperactive children a disservice by claiming that hyperactivity as we understand it today has always existed.

Matthew Smith says not only is that notion wrong, it misleads patients, their parents and their physicians. Smith, who is from Edmonton, is finishing up his PhD at the Centre for Medical History at the University of Exeter.

Hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, is currently the most commonly diagnosed childhood psychiatric disorder, says Smith, and millions of children are prescribed drugs such as Ritalin to treat it. Yet prior to the 1950s, it was clinically and culturally insignificant.

He argues in a paper presented at the Congress for the Humanities and Social Sciences taking place at Ottawa's Carleton University this week, that hyperactivity disorder as we understand it today is a modern construct that was first described as a disorder in 1957.

Before that, Smith says hyperactive behaviour existed – but it wasn't always thought of as a disorder or pathology worth treating.

However, Smith says many today assert that hyperactivity is a universal phenomenon, and say evidence of hyperactivity can be seen in historical figures such as Mozart or Einstein. Smith argues that hyperactivity as we understand it is rooted in social, cultural, political and economic changes of the last half century.

'When history is extended back beyond 1957, it overlooks all the social factors that contributed to the idea that children were hyperactive – and that that was a problem,' he says.

'We need to refocus the history of hyperactivity on the period starting from the late 1950s and 60s. By doing so, we start to understand why people started to think there was a problem with children, why they thought that problem needed to be fixed, and why it became acceptable to fix that problem with drugs.'

Smith says that whether you consider hyperactivity a disease worth treating often depends on context – and the context changed in the late 1950s when the U.S. refocused its education system in response to the space race.

'If a child's playing soccer, there's a chance hyperactivity isn't going to be a problem. But if they are stuck in a classroom, it is a problem.

'We have to look at the social and historical factors that created the idea that children were distractible and that these were pathologies that needed to be treated.

'For patients and their parents, what this means is that the process by which their children are diagnosed is not rooted in a long history. If they understand that, they can develop the tools to question the diagnosis.'

For me, here's the take-home message: "We have to look at the social and historical factors that created the idea that children were distractible and that these were pathologies that needed to be treated."

Amen, brother. Amen.

27 May 2009

The Faudie’s 10 Best Recipes, as Chosen by the Husband

A post from the husband (obviously, given the title):

What better way to celebrate the one-year anniversary of this blog than by indulging in some obsessive-compulsive list making? Angela’s shared a lot of good recipes through the blog--as of today, there are 84 posts tagged “recipes,” many containing multiple recipes--so I thought it would be fun to select the 10 that are the best of the best. If you haven’t tried these yet, you’re missing out!


10. Pasta With Chicken, Broccoli and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
Honestly, this recipe would have made the list just so I could link to the original post. The caption to that first picture cracks me up. Fortunately, the dish is really enjoyable too. We’ve since made this pasta a few more times, with various results in getting the sauce to thicken more. It's always delicious, though. (And who knew I liked broccoli?)

9. Beef and Potato Curry
Any dedicated reader of this blog should have picked up on the fact that we don't have beef often. This is one of those rare instances in which we did, and it came out great. Yay for cows!

8. Chicken-Chickpea Harira
Not to draw attention away from the recipe, but I have to say I'm disappointed the Justice League Unlimited video Angela embedded in this post no longer works. That was a really good episode, and it makes me wish they'd done more episodes with Huntress and Black Canary. Anyway, the harira was really good too. (And who knew I liked chickpeas?)

7. Mango-Agave Sorbet
In the original post Angela mentions that she might try using better tequila if she were to make the sorbet again. That's exactly what she did, and the results were fantastic. The second time around, the flavors of the mangoes, the agave and the tequila blended together very well. The moral of the story, apparently: Don't be cheap when buying your tequila!

6. Spicy Chicken Couscous
As Angela notes in her post, this one has a delightful combination of spiciness and sweetness. I'm looking forward to having it again.

5. The Faudie's Thai Chicken Stir Fry
This one’s become something of a family staple. It’s easy to prepare, which is good for busy school nights. It's also very, very tasty. (And who knew I liked bell peppers?)

4. Sweet Orange Salmon
The best fish recipe on this blog. That rub is another great example of the spicy/sweet combination I'm fond of.

3. Rosemary Chicken with Orange-Maple Glaze
This one didn’t get much coverage on the blog, since it happened during the middle of my surgical drama last year. I remember Angela making the chicken while I was unable to eat, and the rosemary/orange/maple smell of it nearly drove me nuts. I'm happy to give the recipe a second chance at getting some attention.

2. Curried Lamb Stew
Dozens of Indian recipes on this blog, and I choose the curry from Canada for my top 10 list? Indeed I do. It's one of those dishes you want to keep eating until you explode (which is a good thing, really). But make it with chicken, not lamb.

And the absolute best recipe of all . . .

1. Ooey-Gooey Peanut Butter-Chocolate Brownies


The best recipe on this blog, period. (What? Did you think I was going to choose something with vegetables in it for the #1 recipe? I may have developed a new appreciation for broccoli, chickpeas and bell peppers, but I haven't gone crazy. These brownies are awesome!)

Honorable Mentions:


Keep in mind that these are just the "best of the best"--we've tried lots of good recipes over the last year. My apologies if I've overlooked any that should have been on this list. There are also some good recipes we tried that didn't make it onto the blog for one reason or another--spicy chipotle turkey burgers and tortilla soup come to mind, for example. I never would have guessed when Angela started this blog that it would have led to so many great discoveries.

UPDATE
Angela informs me (correctly) that chickpeas are legumes, not vegetables. That's why she's authoring a food blog and I'm not!

Kinda Like Canadian Curry, Except With Cajones

Curries as we know them in the West are largely bastardized versions of those meals with the same name enjoyed in various regions of the Indian subcontinent. For example, this household's favorite Canadian curry really bears little resemblance to an honest Indo-Pakistani curry. Does that prevent everyone here at Chez Boeckman-Walker from devouring it every time I make it? Hell no!

Every now and then, I find I'm too lazy to make that very simple, far-removed-from-its-roots dish yet crave the flavors. Luckily, I happened upon a recipe while searching for recipes combining jerk seasoning and chicken that could make it easier for us to enjoy that treat of alleged Canadian origins but also satisfy our hankering from some heat too.

Joel's Jerk Chicken Pineapple Pasta
1 T olive oil
2 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves, cubed
1 8-oz. can pineapple tidbits with juice
1/4 C shredded coconut
2 T brown sugar
1 t jerk seasoning mix
1/2 t ground cinnamon
1/2 t chili powder
1/2 t crushed red pepper flakes
Salt and ground black pepper to taste
4 oz. dry fettuccini noodles
  1. Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium heat.
  2. Cook and stir the chicken until no longer pink and its juices run clear, 7-10 min.
  3. Stir in the pineapple and its juice, coconut, brown sugar, jerk seasoning, cinnamon, chili powder, red pepper flakes, salt and pepper.
  4. Reduce heat to low and simmer 15 min.
  5. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil.
  6. Add the pasta and cook until al dente, 8-10 min., then drain.
  7. Toss the chicken mixture with drained pasta.
Yield: 2

Nutritional Info
Calories: 628
Fat: 19.5 g
Protein: 35.1 g
Fiber: 6.3 g
Carbs: 79.2 g
Na: 492 mg

The Faudie's Futzings
Okay, the name of the recipe doesn't make the dish seem at all like something I'd make, right? I think I've well established that I'm not a pasta person. (That would be my little sister, the pasta and cheese queen.) However, I saw potential in the recipe, and here are the many ways I futzed with it:
  • I didn't use pasta at all. I made instead two cups of basmati rice. Why two cups, you ask, Gentle Reader? Because I know the boy. If he doesn't like a dish, he'll at least eat a lot of rice.
  • I didn't use a full tablespoon of olive oil. Maybe a teaspoon.
  • I used a regular saucepan instead of a skillet, and I didn't combine my rice and chicken before serving. Instead, I served the finished chicken dish on a bed of rice in a bowl for each human resident of Chez Boeckman-Walker (as illustrated).
  • Since I used Splenda brown sugar, I only used a tablespoon of the stuff.
  • Speaking of Splenda, I bought reduced-sugar pineapple tidbits from Dole, which feature Splenda. And I used the whole 20-ounce can, not just 8 ounces as specified by the recipe. After all, I was feeding at least three people with hopeful plans for leftovers.
  • I wasn't going to add the coconut flake originally, but I did--and wound up using probably a third of a cup because I found it was helping to thicken the sauce into a more curry-like consistency, which was my goal.
The use of spices called for in this recipe and the quantity called for could be further futzed with depending on what kind of jerk seasoning you buy, Gentle Reader. The stuff I scored at Central Markup's bulk foods playland is made of all those other spices listed in the recipe, so I felt a little silly adding more of each individually. However, if you have cajones-less jerk seasoning, feel free to add the called-for amount and then some to give your finished jerk chicken and pineapple curry a nice kick. If you have pretty fiery jerk seasoning, then omit the additional red pepper flakes and chili powder.

I suppose if you wanted to get a bit more authentic with this dish, you could toast your spices after you brown your meat. After all, the hallmark of a curry is that combination of toasted spices.

We ate our jerky curry with naan, which is always great for sopping up the juice of any curry. And it's one of the traditional ways of eating curry: In India, curry traditionally was eaten sans utensils, instead gobbled up with the help of one of a variety of traditional Indian flatbreads.

By the way, Gentle Reader, if you're interested in learning more about curry and its proud past, I highly recommend Lizzie Collingham's Curry: A Tale of Cooks & Conquerors. The book is not so much a specific history of curry but more a history of the many influences on Indian cuisine, as the subtitle suggests. Not only do you learn about India's food, you learn a bit of its history, which is woefully neglected in too many world history classes. (Hey, why should anyone care about the great accomplishments and histories of anyone but those folks who populated Europe? If it didn't happen in the West, it apparently didn't happen.)

Happy Anniversary to Me

This happy little blog turns one year old today. Who's bringing the cake?



Sweet.

25 May 2009

A Recipe to Put Paula Deen to Shame

I've ragged on Paula and her love of butter in posts past, Gentle Reader. This recipe I tried out bright and early Saturday morning might be something she'd concoct. Or not. I only know about her cooking...style (arteriosclerosis-engendering style is more like it) from what I've gleaned from encountering her recipes every now and then, catching her on TV every now and then and, of course, from her gut-bustingly hilarious recent appearance on Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me.

The Faudie's Apple Oatmeal Bars
2 C old-fashioned rolled oats
1/2 C unbleached all-purpose flour
1/2 C whole wheat flour
3/4 C Clabber Girl sugar replacer OR a sugar of your choice
1/4 t NaCl
1/2 t cinnamon
3/4 C fat-free butter OR a butter product of your choice, softened to room temperature
approx. 1 C apple butter
1 Gala apple OR a cooking apple of your choice, sliced into thin wedges
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  2. In a large bowl, combine the oats, flour, sugar, salt and cinnamon, stirring well.
  3. Add the butter to the oat-flour mixture, stirring to create oaty crumbles.
  4. Prep an 8" x 8" or 9" x 9" pan with baking nonstick cooking spray or regular nonstick cooking spray.
  5. Press a little more than half of the oaty crumbles into the pan to create the crust.
  6. Spread a light layer (between 1/3 and 1/2 C) of apple butter atop the crust.
  7. Place the slices of apple artfully (or not so artfully) atop the apple butter.
  8. Spread a second light layer of apple butter atop the apples as a streusel.
  9. Top with the remaining oaty crumbles.
  10. Bake 30 to 35 min., or until the streusel is golden brown.
Yield: 16 bars (per the original recipe)

Nutritional Info
I have no data to share because I took a recipe I found online and modified fairly heavily. As you can see from the list of ingredients, you have a fair amount of room for making this recipe somewhat healthful and somewhat sinful. You just have to live with yourself when you're done, Gentle Reader.

Also, how you serve the bars will impact the nutritional value as well. For example, you can serve the bars naked:

Not a bad way to serve it. However, if you want to dress it up a little or, should you have a particular yen for apple pan dowdy or apple brown Betty or some kind of apple dish that isn't a pie, put a bar in some type of dish--a soup or cereal bowl, say--nuke it for about 40 seconds at full power then put a dollop of ice cream alongside it and voila! Pseudo-apple pie a la mode, seen here with a scoop of Dreyer's Nestlé Drumstick Sundae Cone ice cream.
If you want to be really decadent, you can nuke your bar, add the ice cream and add some fat-free caramel syrup:
Delish! Not to mention a very pleasing treat at the end of a long summer's day, for there's something oddly satisfying about the combination of warm, cinnamony apples and oat crumbles with cold, creamy ice cream and gooey caramel.

Future Faudie Futzings
Depending on how much you like cinnamon, you might consider putting in a full teaspoon of cinnamon, especially if your apple butter doesn't have much cinnamon flavor to it. Even though the apple butter I used does have a pretty strong cinnamon flavor, I still think I'll add more cinnamon to the crust next time.

I also might put down a thicker layer--maybe a full half-cup--of apple butter atop the crust next time. As I was enjoying my second serving last night, I was contemplating how the apple butter sort of got lost, perhaps because the base layer was too thin. If you make your bars with a thicker first layer, let me know how they turn out, Gentle Reader.

24 May 2009

A Funny Thing Happened at the Veloway

The husband and I went to bed last night thinking our plans to head to far south Austin to ride the veloway were dashed thanks to a 60% chance of showers. I got up bright and early--with an emphasis on bright. The clouds that had brought us a very nice, drenching rain late Saturday afternoon and into the early evening had largely moved on, and what gray remained was moving on as well.

Woohoo! Let's get those bikes loaded and hit the road!

Within Spitting Distance of Mopac, But a World Away
I didn't realize it when I'd looked at the map of the veloway, but it's located right across the street from the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center, which boded well for some nice scenery even though the 3.1 miles (that's 5K, Gentle Reader) of the veloway are tucked behind a residential development--thankfully not a sprawling one. Fortunately too for residents and riders alike, the planners have maintained a lot of the natural vegetation to maintain the privacy of both groups.

Since South Austin's enjoyed a bit more rain than we Northerners have, the veloway course was dotted with a healthy variety of wildflowers, along with some wildlife. I spotted a number of squirrels, although not once during the three times I rode the course did I spy any snakes at the stretch of road marked with the "Snake Crossing" sign. Bummer.

Oh, and I also saw my very first real roadrunner. Not an animated one. There's a difference, Gentle Reader, in case you didn't realize:

Here's a roadrunner photographed at the veloway, but not by me.

Here's a roadrunner you've probably seen on your TV, Gentle Reader.


The Hazards of Walkers

or
I Get to Put Years of Training and Learning to Use
Not long after we set off from the parking lot, I left the boys to their own devices because I was really anxious to experience the course at my speed, not at the puttering, meandering, often knee-killing pace I have to keep in order to ride with the boy. From the moment I set off, I knew I'd simply start a second round and catch up with them, and I have to admit that I was rather surprised how far into their own first lap they'd gotten when I did catch up to them.

And they probably would have gotten farther if it hadn't been for a very odd feature of the veloway:
(Picture from Bike Noob)

This steep hill (Bike Noob points out that the camera typically flattens the incline) is sort of a surprise because you approach it right out of a fairly sharp turn. The hill's been dubbed Jacob's Rail--by whom I don't know yet--and in 1998 was awarded a "Best of" prize by the editors of The Chron, specifically calling it the "Best Place To Impersonate Sisyphus."

While I didn't feel particularly despotish when I encountered Jacob's Rail the first time, I was surprised by it but luckily had enough speed to almost get to the top--and would have if my damn right foot hadn't slipped off my pedal. Damn my lack of upstroke! But I'm a fast learner, and as I was approaching on my second go-round, I knew to build up speed long before the hill.

The course is arranged to that the top of Jacob's Rail is a half-dozen yards or so across from the winding approach to it (traffic flows in one direction on the veloway, for obvious safety reasons). As I was starting to gather speed for my second approach, I heard a scream, a female scream, but I honestly didn't think much of it. The noise struck me more as one of surprise, not terror.

Heh, boy was I wrong!

I got the hill and started my ascent when I noticed that hey! that's the boy walking up on the right side. I'm hoofin' it up Jacob's Rail, noting that two men are assisting a hobbling woman up the hill on the left side, even as I holler over my shoulder, "Where's Daddy?"

"He's helping!" the boy hollers back.

Sure enough, one of the men assisting the woman is the husband. That I didn't recognize him at first I'm going to chalk up to my concentration on getting up the hill and my mild surprise at finding the boy walking up the hill. (It's a pretty stiff incline, and that's a lot to ask a newbie 6-year-old rider to climb.) Soon, though, I get my arse over to the right, where the husband and the other man took the injured woman to rest against a railing, to see if I could help at all since I'd packed a quick first-aid kit in an underseat bag on my bike. Just call me Batman--I'm prepared with my utility belt--er, bag.

The woman was complaining about a cramp in her calf as I was whipping out the container of Bath & Body Works sweet pea-scented antibacterial wipes and tube of triple-strength antibiotic ointment with topical analgesic to address her road rash-afflicted elbow. Once we got her elbow cleaned up and as the husband and the other man was prepping one of the gauze pads I had in the kit with some ointment and some of the medical tape I also carried, I told the fallen biker that I was a yoga instructor and had some training in muscular release then asked if she'd like me to try to release the cramp. I thought that's why she'd crashed: a sudden charley horse while ascending Jacob's Rail had derailed her climb. While trying to pinpoint the focus of her pain, I got a few more details about what had happened. And I cringed.

The woman hadn't suffered a sudden cramp. No, she'd come around the turn to start her ascent only to find a certain 6-year-old off in his bike and in her path. In her efforts to avoid the boy, her bike tires lost their traction and sent her tumbling. Yep, you guess it, Gentle Reader: That scream I'd heard was her. In her fall, she'd badly twisted her right knee.

As I was working on her calf, I noticed that her right knee was starting to swell--not a great sign. Since we were still a ways out from the entrance/exit, the man who'd teamed with the husband to get the injured rider up the hill along with his wife were trying to figure out how to help the woman back to her car. She thought she could ride while perhaps the other man pushed her (and his wife carted their bikes), so I whipped off one of my jumper's knee bands and put it around the injured woman's bum knee because, what a coinkidink!, her patellar tendon seemed to be the focus of her pain.

I wound up following Cat (she eventually introduced herself) and the other woman back to the entrance, and we broke the rule (gasp!) and went the wrong way along the course since that was the quickest way to the entrance/exit. By the time the four of us got there, my boys had finished the course in the proper direction and were waiting for us. All of us, save the boy, helped Cat to her Land Rover. I got her bike mounted then grabbed my medical tape to give her very swollen knee some external fixation. After all, Gentle Reader, R.I.C.E. is your best first-aid bet for minor sprains and strains!

Before I helped her into her vehicle (her leather seats got a little bloody since the bandage had fallen off her elbow), Cat asked what I thought might be wrong. I was explaining to her some of the various muscular, ligament and tendon connections made at the knee joint, and the man who'd accompanied us said, "The next time I go for a ride, I'm bringing her along!"

Pshaw! Pshaw!

After Cat hit the road (and I regret not giving her my cell phone number--also backed in my Bat-first aid kit--to her so she could let me know she made it home all right) and after we all cleaned up a little, took a few deep breaths and whatnot, the boys and I headed out for a family loop. I also talked to them about what happened, and I learned that the boy had just wiped out on Jacob's rail himself when Cat had come around the turn. He probably hadn't really had enough time to get himself out of the way, but I did take a few moments to tell him that he really, really needs to make sure that whenever he crashes on a public course, he must get as far to the right and out of other riders' way as soon as he can.

Will he remember? I doubt it.

So despite our little medical drama, I have to say I'm anxious to go back to the veloway. However, I'm not sure I'm going to do it again soon with the boy. The course has enough climbs that doing it at his pace is pretty tough on my knees, and I find I'm one of those people who has the need for speed.

Next time, though, I hope I don't have to play EMT.

Random Kitteny Goodness


Enjoy a few snaps of Rory Calhoun--or Keeko, take your pic, Gentle Reader--that I took on Friday as he--she?--played in the late morning sunshine.






Aren't kittens just the best source of random stimuli in the world!

23 May 2009

Forgive Me, J Edgar Hoover, for I Have Sinned

People amaze me sometimes with the thoughts and beliefs they keep in their heads. They really do.

People scare me sometimes with the thoughts and beliefs they keep in their heads. They really do.

People make me laugh a lot with the thoughts and beliefs they keep in their heads. They really, really do.

Dear Margo: Our daughter started college a year ago, and we’ve noticed during her visits home that she’s not the sweet, innocent girl we sent away for higher learning. We raised her with strong Christian beliefs, but lately she’s saying that she’s joined an atheist club on campus and is questioning everything we taught her. Now my husband refuses to let her in the house and is threatening to turn her in to the FBI. I’ve tried to cure our daughter and reconcile with her, but nothing seems to work. I’ve prayed over her at night while she sleeps, enlisted friends in a phone prayer tree and even spoken to my priest about the possibility of an exorcism. I’m at my wits’ end. How can I recover my daughter and keep her from hell? — God-fearing
If you haven't died laughing at this letter (which makes me kinda wonder if it's a fake, but then I know people who seriously think this way), check out Margo's response.

21 May 2009

We Have Kittens!

This blog sort of got its start with Momma's kittens, who came to be called Sambar, Rasam and Idlihead. Sadly, they all disappeared--hopefully finding better homes--before the Central Texas heat finally dissipated last fall. Then as things began to green up in February, Momma started putting on weight, then one rainy day she was on our porch yowling her little head off, then appeared a little less heavy and, in the past two weeks, has looked down right emaciated. Given her dramatic weight loss recently, I thought perhaps she was no longer nursing and had maybe even picked up a parasite.

While I still am concerned about Momma, she did bring us a gift of trust this morning: kittens!

Yes, Chez Boeckman-Walker has once again been graced with the appearance of Momma's latest batch of kittens. And they are oh so adorable and rolly polly and playful and curious and pouncy and bouncy and Tigger-ish!

Now before you start lecturing me, Gentle Reader, on the irresponsibility of letting Momma just breed at will and letting her bring more "unwanted" kittens into the world, let me tell you this: I've been feeding Momma for more than a year now, and the closest she has ever let me get to her is maybe a foot and a half. Someone did something to her that traumatized her, and it's only been through a lot of patience and quiet, gentle movement that I've been able to get Momma to understand I'm no threat. Once she ran and hid whenever I came out to give her food. Now she only hovers a few feet away, waiting patiently for me to go back inside and lock the door. (Yes, she knows the sound of the lock because if she hears it but doesn't see me, she runs away and hides.)

Given these circumstances, there's been no way for me to nab her to take her to a vet to be fixed. And if you rant about getting a humane trap, Gentle Reader, I'll find a humane trap for you.

Okay, so now that we have that rant out of the way, how about some kitten photos!

From back to front, we have Calli (not the most original name for a calico, I grant you that), Rory Calhoun and Keeko. The boy named the last one, and I say to you now, Gentle Reader, since two of them look practically the same--a problem we had with Sambar and Rasam--Rory and Keeko will probably be interchangeable.


And here's how Rory Calhoun earned his (probably will be a her) name. Standing upright, like a little Rory Calhoun! That one's got talent!

UPDATE
When I returned home from my morning adventures around 11, our little family was where I'd left them this morning--and the exact same place where I saw Momma's kittens last year. I grabbed the camera and took some more photos because the lighting was better, although the fiberglass window screening does give the photos a bit of a '70s-style softness. Enjoy!

20 May 2009

My Boy the Blogger

It was only a matter of time before Chez Boeckman-Walker got its second blogger. I figured it wouldn't be the husband, and the felines kids would have to be eliminated for that whole lack of fingers issue they have. So that left only one resident--and his typing skills are only marginally better than the cats' techniques of randomly stepping on, prancing across and sleeping on the keyboard.

I have to admit that I am guilty of aiding and abetting this fait accompli. (Recognize the Blogger.com interface on the screen, Gentle Reader, or are you a Blogger.com neophyte as the boy once was?)

I supposed I should feel ashamed, but in a way, I'm proud. Here's another cool thing I get to teach the boy how to do. And lemme tell you, Gentle Reader, explaining not just the "art" of blogging but also the art of writing and organizing thoughts into posts and paragraphs and sentences just opened up for the two of us a whole can of worms. Worms are fun and messy. I can't wait to get messy along with the boy.

See, he already has that tortured writer/artist look about him!

18 May 2009

Sunday Success

Several weeks ago, I scored two pounds of pork tenderloin at HEB at a great price. Granted, I'd never prepared pork tenderloin before, and to the best of my knowledge, I'd never eaten it before either. As I think I've mentioned before, Gentle Reader, I was not raised in a pork-eating family (if you exclude the relatively large amounts of Potter's sausage we ate during the 18 or so years I lived under my parents' roof). Dad raised cows, not pigs--and boy, do I wish I had a picture of Dad and Devilboy to share with you right now.

When I bought the tenderloin, I did have plans for it and did have some hope that my previous largely positive experiences with preparing edible pork chops for the human residents of Chez Boeckman-Walker would lead to another positive experience.

Of course, I had to wait for the weather to improve to have the opportunity to make the dish I'd picked out. No one wants to turn on the oven for an hour or so when the temperature is somewhere in the mid-90s with the humidity somewhere around the same percentage. That makes for a miserable dining experience no matter how tasty the meal is. Fortunately, Saturday's glorious rain led to an almost unseasonably chilly Sunday (since any more, May in Central Texas means heat, heat and more heat, with temperatures in the 70s something you can only long to dip down to overnight), which was the perfect weather for turning on Lumpy and let him get all hot and bothered for an hour.

Ginger and Thyme–brined Pork Loin
1 C chopped fresh thyme sprigs
2 C water
1/2 C ginger preserves
3 T kosher salt
1 2-lb. boneless pork loin roast, trimmed
1 t freshly ground black pepper
1 T ginger preserves
1 t chopped fresh thyme
  1. Combine the chopped thyme, water, salt and ginger preserves in a large bowl, then stir until the salt dissolves.
  2. Pour the thyme mixture into a large zip-top plastic bag, add the pork to the bag, then seal.
  3. Marinate the pork in the refrigerator for 24 hours, turning occasionally.
  4. Preheat the oven to 425°.
  5. Remove the pork from the bag, discarding the marinade.
  6. Pat the pork dry with a paper towel, then rub it with pepper.
  7. Place the pork on a roasting rack coated with cooking spray in a pan.
  8. Bake at 425° for 25 minutes, then reduce heat to 325° (do not remove pork from oven) and bake 30 minutes.
  9. While the pork is baking, combine 1 tablespoon of ginger preserves with 1 teaspoon of chopped thyme in a small bowl.
  10. After the second round of baking is finished, brush the preserves mixture over the pork, then bake an additional 5 minutes or until a thermometer registers 155° (slightly pink).
  11. Place the pork on a platter, then let it stand 15 minutes before cutting into 1/2" slices.
Yield: 8 servings (serving size: 3 oz. of pork)

Nutritional Info
Calories: 172
Fat: 6 g (s
Sat fat: 2.1 g
Protein: 24.8 g
Carbs: 3.2 g
Fiber: 0.1 g
Cholesterol: 62 mg
Sodium: 396 mg

The Faudie's Futzing
I made only three changes to the recipe. One was out of bewilderment, one was from poor planning and the third was out of thriftiness.

Did you see, Gentle Reader, that the recipe calls for four tablespoons of kosher salt for the brine. Yeah, tablespoons. That's a helluva lotta salt, and there was just no way I was going to follow that. Instead, I used four...roughly level servings from the little ceramic shallow scoop that came with the salt pig in which I keep my kosher salt. I think that little scoop is roughly an eighth of a teaspoon, so I didn't use that much salt.

Speaking of the brining, the second change concerned that process. I failed to remember that the meat needed to marinate for 24 hours, so it only got just shy of nine hours in the brine. Did that affect the flavor? I can't say. Perhaps the meat would have, as I'd feared, wound up with an almost overpowering thyme flavor if it had had more time swimming in the thymey water. Maybe not.
Not the prettiest sight, but the brined, thymey pork seemed ready for baking. Looks a little like mock duck, doesn't it?

The third change involved the thyme. Feel free to be impressed, Gentle Reader, that I have fresh thyme growing in a pot on the yoga patio. However, I don't have that much thyme. Let's face it--a cup of chopped thyme is a helluva lotta thyme. I didn't want to scalp my little plant before it got a good chance to grow.

So instead I whipped out the bag of dried chopped thyme from my spice cabinet and used that. That amounted to a little over a fourth of a cup, which I augmented with maybe a tablespoon of fresh stuff.

The glaze I did make with fresh thyme. However, the pork baked with a pretty good coat of thyme because I wasn't sure if I was supposed to wipe it all off when the recipe told me to pat the pork dry before baking. Yeah, the pork was dry, but the thyme clung to it.

The finished meat I served with Korean sweet potatoes that I know all three of us will eat (and because I had to sweet potatoes on the counter that needed to be used). The color of the side dish popped nicely when paired with the finished pork. The how-dare-this-be-labeled-ciabatta half-loaf came from Wally World's discounted day-old bakery cart and was heated in Lumpy's very handy warming drawer, and made a great delivery device for more ginger preserves, which I discovered to be incredibly tasty. I'll have to look for more recipes using that ingredient.

17 May 2009

Our Parents Survived This How?

As I think I've mentioned in a few posts, Gentle Reader, I take a perverse delight in browsing old recipe books. I suppose it's an extension of my reading on how cooking and our understanding of nutrition and good food and the "womanly arts" have evolved over the years (aka, the 20th century), but at the same time, it's a bit of nostalgia and, well, shock and awe for me when I read because some of the recipes are somewhat familiar and somewhat shocking in their nutritional content.

In short, I sit and read sometimes and marvel that I wasn't heavier than I was as a kid. And I totally understand why Mum made so many food items with Crisco--that's just the way things were done in the day.

Can the Culinary Arts Institutes Retract a Publication?
Yesterday, the boys and I made a trip to our favorite haunt: the Half-Price Books on North Lamar. We hadn't been (or at least the boy and I hadn't been) for a few weeks, and it just seemed like a fun thing to do on a lazy, blessedly rainy Saturday afternoon. After surviving an incredibly obnoxious know-it-all in the comics section who'd had the audacity to kick off his cheap-ass rubber flip-flops while browsing along side us (and offering unsolicited reviews of books, authors, artists, much to our ever-growing annoyance), as well as surviving a short nose blood that the boy experienced, we three made our way over the cookbooks so I could browse while the husband sorted out our comics finds and the boy...well, I'm not sure what he did aside from whine and bitch and moan (as if he hadn't had a two-hour nap before the trip!) and make our time miserable.

My eyes fell upon the battered spine of a real gem--Culinary Arts Institute Encyclopedic Cookbook edited by Ruth Berolzheimer (do follow the link to a fascinating piece about Madamoiselle Editeuse, Gentle Reader) from 1973. At least I think it's from '73: That's the year on the title page, whereas the most recent copyright date is 1971. This sucker's a good 3 inches thick, with handy tabs (the old-fashioned cut-out-to-fit-your-fingertip tabs, not adhesive ones you buy at Office Despot) for the various sections, and the division of the content into sections is just...beyond bizarre. For example, there's a section tab for eggs, fish and meat but then another section tab for fowl--and fowl is paired with vegetables. Okay.... Salads and desserts are paired on a finger tab, and candy and dairy team up on another tab.

Yeah, those pairings are totally logical.

Then I dove into the actual recipes themselves. Now I own a 1984 edition of Escoffier's Ma Cuisine, which is one of those grands livres of haute cuisine, and I also have the antithesis of it, a 1950 (I think--it's the seventh printing of the first edition) copy of Betty Crocker's Picture Cook Book, which millions of household cooks (including my own mum) have owned, used or learned to cook from over the many years its been in print. These two books, sort of the alpha and the omega of culinary guidance, have prepared me for all kinds of weird shit, to be quite frank.

Or so I thought.

As I did while perusing Ma Cuisine and the infamous and ubiquitous Betty Crocker book, I found myself thumbing through the CAI Encyclopedic Cookbook and muttering, "Good grief, people actually ate this? People wanted recipes for this? People actually tried to cook some of these abominations?" Here's an example:

Spiced Tongue Mold
1 1/2 T unflavored gelatin [Unflavored gelatin was huge in its day.]
1/3 C cold water
2 C stock from cooking tongue
1/2 t salt
1/8 t pepper
1/2 t dry mustard
1 T lemon juice
1 t Worcestershire sauce
2 C chopped cooked tongue
2 hard-cooked eggs, sliced
4 T chopped sweet pickles
1/4 C mayonnaise

Soften gelatin in cold water and dissolve in boiling stock. Add seasonings, lemon juice and Worcestershire sauce. Chill until mixture begins to thicken, then fold in remaining ingredients. Chill until firm. Serves 6.

Yummy!

Now I realize that modern folks are incredibly spoiled and incredibly wasteful in their food consumption, thus beef tongue--or any other animal's tongue--would be incredibly unwelcome on our table. I realize that once upon a time in the not too distant past, making use of the tongue was essential because, dammit, ya paid good money to have that cow butchered and prepared or, dammit, ya don't have money for t-bone steaks, so the tongue'll have to do ya. But.... Well, consider the case of cow brains. They were and in some places still are considered a delicacy. Me, I consider them a major health hazard. Granted, I don't think there's been a confirmed case of a human ingesting prepared cow brains and subsequently developing Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (that's what bovine spongiform encephalopathy--aka, mad cow disease--is called in humans), but would you want to be the first case, Gentle Reader? The FSM knows we have enough reason to worry about contracting CJD just from consuming parts of the cow (and other livestock) that are normally prepared and consumed by humans, so why put yourself at risk?

The Many Blessings of Modern Photography
Of course, using the book to prepare a dish would require one to get past the garish photography. Now, if you lived through the 1970s or have family who've shown you color photos from the 70s or even the 60s, you might be familiar with the type of color that seems to be the result of a composition that was shot through cheesecloth and somehow got glazed over with an orange haze that seemed, at least to me, somewhat pervasive during that time. But looking at the color photos in this book, I figure a person has to have a very strong stomach or absolutely no sense of taste--as in dead taste buds and dead cells in that part of the brain that registers food appeal--to be able to look at those photos and decide the food made from the recipes in the book are worthwhile.

And Don't even get me started on the black and white photos, which are far more numerous than the color ones (by some small, gorge-saving blessing from the publisher).
Is that the Loch Ness monster? Nay, 'tis not Nessy.
That's mock duck.


The book highlighted this fine feast as a suitable main dish for children in the section of the same name. Why feed a child real duck when you can feed her or him mock duck. (If you can't identify what it's made from, Gentle Reader, let me spoil you: That's a lamb shoulder, and the "head" is wrapped in four slices of salt pork or bacon.)

Over the coming weeks and months, I'll try to bring you more treasures from this tome. The husband, who found the mock duck, has set a goal to find one recipe worthy of being made here at Chez Boeckman-Walker, and I've asked him to mark any...real finds that he passes on that just cry out to be brought to the light of day here in the 21st century.

Bon appetit, Gentle Reader--if you dare!

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