Miscell-inane-eous Thoughts

I think, Gentle Reader, that I've firmly established that I'm not a very sane person. Read through any post on this blog, and you'll find proof galore (Proof Galore, the third cousin twice removed of Pussy Galore) that I'm just not all together up there where it counts. And I'm okay with that. My friends and family, by and large, are too.

But if you need further proof or just want to be mildly entertained by bizarre ideas, I submit this post unto you.

After seeing The Dark Knight and emptying my bladder afterwards on Tuesday, the husband and I went to Madras Pavilion for a yummy lunch of idlis, medu vada, sambar and other wonderful Indian vegetarian dishes. While the selection of items on Tuesday's buffet table was not as wondrous as it's been on trips past, I did tank up quite nicely on a variety of dal dishes.

What's great about tanking up on dal dishes is that you don't feel heavy and bloated long because, pardon my taking this moment to be blunt, dal doesn't take forever to move through the digestive track. It's very digestible, packed with fiber (and, for some types of dal and other beans, protein). Unlike, say, beef, which can linger in the digestive track for-frickin'-ever and just make simple things like moving and thinking difficult: Moving because you've got that weight in your lower abdomen; thinking because a lot of blood has been sent to the digestive system to break down that gunk and get it out of the body, which can limit blood flow to the brain and making simple pleasures such as thinking and consciousness difficult. (Why else do you think you get sleepy after a pig-out session?)

If you're an active person, not feeling heavy is pretty darn important. On Tuesday, it was pretty darn important to me since I went to my usual 4:30 PM hatha flow class taught by my dear yogi friend Chuck. Toward the end of class (with a little of encouragement on my part), he had us experiment with bhuja pidasana, one of the few arm-balancing asanas I can do. And I did it. This experience was my first time in the pose since losing the weight, and I was amazed by how I could rest my ass on my arms and not feel as though my arms or wrists were about to break. Aside from that, I knew that if I'd eaten a meal with a good deal of meat, my bhuja pidasana would have been a disaster, and not just because I had all that weight in my abdomen. That weight, that lump of barely digested food would have been subjected to a good deal of pressure since arm balances such as bhuja pidasana require a great deal of core engagement.

While reviewing that experience while in the shower at home, I struck upon a realization: Asana and the "higher" limbs of yoga (focus, concentration, meditation) as described by Patanjali couldn't have been developed by Westerners because, well, they eat too damn much meat. Think about it: Western food tends to be pretty heavy. Eastern food? Not so much. (Traditionally, that is. Western palates have done awful things to traditional Eastern foods.) Eastern foods tend not to linger, if you know what I mean. Why else do we have that joke about eating Chinese food and being hungry again an hour later?

And you need to be empty to do asana--both physically and mentally. But being full physically can make an asana practice an absolute nightmare, just as trying to do just about anything physically rigorous on a full stomach or with bowels full of slowly digesting meat is an absolute nightmare of anguish and frustration. And don't even get me started on how having a full mind can really muck up an asana practice!

And now's where I offer you unabashed proof of my insanity.

The tradition of yoga has several cleansing practices to help one be light and empty and receptive to enlightenment. Granted, some of them seem incredibly gross and bizarre to Westerners (mula sodhana dhauti, I'm looking at you), but some of them are nothing bizarre and are incredibly useful; I know yogis and non-yogis alike who swear by their neti pots for the awful allergy problems living in Austin can bring. In addition to these practices, according to lore and legend, advanced yogis are able to train and control their bodies and minds to incredible levels so that bodily needs and bodily functions probably aren't--for them--an issue when meditating nonstop for weeks, months and years.

This line of thinking led me to, of all places, Bat Dude. I've loved 'ol Bats since I was 2. In the 18 months that have past since the husband and I became comics geeks, I've learned quite a bit of Batman's story. Like, for example, he hangs out on rooftops a lot, skulking among gargoyles. He's trained in a lost of Eastern mind/body techniques. He wears a suit with the underwear on the outside.

It's a good thing Bats hung out in Nanda Parbat and other Eastern destinations and did all that training. I doubt Bats eats a lot of meat since, y'know, he has all that swinging from rooftop to rooftop on a line to do. Plus it must be hell to need to use the facilities while up on the roof of some really tall building, stuck in a costume that's exceedingly difficult to remove.

Taa daa!

You've been a great audience, ladies and gents. Be sure to tip your waitress! Thank you and good night!