The Boy's Got Worms

Speaking of males' baser needs and desires, this culinary misadventure started with a simple request from the boy: He wanted Jell-o.

When the boy was three or four, I signed up to bring some kind of snack for his daycare's Halloween party. Not as easy as just bringing cups or plates or punch--what the husband usually signs us up to provide--but not terribly difficult a task, right? Preschoolers and Halloween-themed snacks go hand in hand, I figured. But when I signed up, I didn't count on making something free of any possible allergen lest some kid with food allergies or sensitivities become immediately sickened and on the verge of death thanks to my snacks.

(Can you detect the sarcasm here, Gentle Reader?)

One of the boy's little friends at the time has gluten issues--as in she can't digest the stuff. (I was never for sure if she had Celiac disease or not, but it evidently ran in the family, so there's a chance it was.) So I set my mind to finding something that was kid-friendly, Halloween-themed and gluten-free. Whew, that's a lot of requirements! But luckily the idea of some kind of Jell-o treat popped into my head because I was pretty certain that it's gluten-free, and a person can do all kinds of creepy, kid-friendly, Halloween-themed things with the stuff.

I don't recall now how I came to make Worms in Dirt, also known as Dirt Cups, but that's what I did. I got a package of 9 oz. Solo cups (the squat kind), whipped up some nasty green Jell-o (because nothing appeals to preschoolers more than nasty green Jell-o) and poured it into each cup. After the Jell-o had a chance to set for a bit, I strategically placed some gummy worms into each cup. Some worms were buried in the dirt (but visible thanks to the clear cups), and some were halfway in the Jell-o and halfway out.

For the dirt, I tracked down some Newman's Own (rest in peace, Paul) wheat-free, dairy-free (I seem to recall now the little girl had dairy issues too) chocolate alphabet cookies. Trust me, you never want to develop issues with digesting gluten and dairy. If these cookies are any indication of what food tastes like without these key ingredients, then let me either starve or my intestines explode from an immune system gone haywire due to deadly exposure to gluten or dairy. In a word, these cookies were nasty. But they crushed well and looked like dirt when sprinkled atop the Jell-o. (That the "dirt" tasted like dirt was a bonus, I suppose.)

In the end, the cups weren't touched because the party also included sandwiches and other lunch-type foods that were served before my snack/dessert. The cups didn't come home, so they undoubtedly met an ignoble end in the garbage. Oh well.

But I found myself two or three years later with two boxes of green Jell-o in my pantry. When the boy asked oh so innocently, "What is Jell-o?" and then asked, "Can we make Jell-o sometime?" as if it were some kind of exotic delicacy, I was all too prepared to meet his request. And what a better way to introduce this oddity to him than to make another round of Worms in Dirt, made with the assistance of my human sous-chef and without the nasty wheat-free, dairy-free chocolate cookies.

I realize that my Worms in Dirt is hardly anything like the many recipes for the same ...er, treat out there on them Internets. But I didn't want to mess with pudding and Cool Whip and other junk.

And Worm Boy.... Well, he discovered quickly that Jell-o isn't anything to savor. He's had one small serving so far, and I suspect this second go-round with Worms in Dirt will meet the same ignoble end that my first go-round did. Oh well.